William Wallace vs. Sun Tzu

Disclaimer: I don't own Deadliest Warrior; but I wish I did.

Deadliest Warrior, Chapter 13: William Wallace vs. Sun Tzu

Narrator:
William Wallace; the legendary scottish rebel, who lead a bloodthirsty army of Highlanders against the mighty English empire.
(We see William Wallace killing an Englishman with his Targe).

Narrator:
Sun Tzu; the ruthless Chinese warmonger, whose revolutionary "Art Of War" led to the massacre of millions.
(We see Sun Tzu writing the Art Of War).

                                                        WHO IS DEADLIEST?
To find out, our world class fighters are testing histories most lethal weapons. Using 21st century science, we'll see what happens when the two warriors go toe to toe. No rules. No safety. No mercy. It's a duel to the death, to decide who is....THE DEADLIEST WARRIOR!

William Wallace
c. 1270 - 1305
Scotland
Gear - 40 LBS
Armor  - Chain Mail

Sun Tzu
544 - 496 BC
Height: 5' 7"
Weight: 160 LBS
Armor: Leather Lamellar, Shield, Bronze Helmet

Narrator:  Here in the fight club, we take four weapons used by legendary Scottish Rebel, William Wallace:

Claymore
Ball & Chain
War Hammer
Targe & Dirk

Narrator:  and see how they fare against the weapons of the famous "Art of War" author, Sun Tzu:

Jian
Repeating Crossbow
Zhua
Flaming Arrows

Narrator: To kick off the battle, our two teams of experts will test their warriors famous swords: William Wallace's Claymore, and Sun Tzu's Jian.

Bob twirled William Wallace's Claymore like a pro as he stepped toward three skulls sitting atop stacks of meat. Then with a wild battle cry, he swung the sword in a large arc. First one, then two, then finally three, the heads were separated from their necks. Bob flicked the sword to remove the excess blood, then stood back. The rest of the teams blinked in awe of the display. But Fred just shook his head.

Fred: That looks great, but he leaves himself totally open. If he misses with that, he's dead. With my weapon, by the time he completes one of those swings, I'll have filled him full of holes.

Fred took his Jian and stood between two pig carcasses. On his teams signal he twirled and slashed his blade through the first pig.  The sword nearly cut the pig in half. In a single spin, he faced the second pig and jabbed three times in rapid succession. To finish, he jabbed the blade up to the hilt near the pig's neck.

Dr. Dorian: Well, both weapons do impress me, but I still need to pick a favorite. The Jian is fast, but I'm not sure how it would fare against chain-mail, which as we've seen before, tends to be a bit of a null factor for slashing weapons. That said, it can put a lot of power behind it's jabs. For the claymore, yes it's slow, but seeing it butcher three guys at one time; I think that that clenched it for me. I'm giving the first advantage to the Claymore.

Edge: William Wallace.

Narrator: Next, our two fierce competitors will but their long range weapons to the test: Sun Tzu's Repeating Crossbow, against William Wallace's Ball & Chain.

Fred stood in front a gel torso decked out in William Wallace style chain-mail. Making sure he had plenty of ammo, he started shooting arrows. The first arrow, aimed at the chest, seemed to pierce the armor, but fell out without causing significant damage. The second one to the stomach though, managed to stick. The same happened with the ones to the arms, and near the top of the chain-mail. It all took about twenty-seconds.

Bob came to take his turn, facing a block of ice shaped like the upper body of an enemy. He swung the ball and chain and tossed the ball at the ice block. And missed. The second one went to far left, the third went over. Finally the fourth hit dead center, and shattered the ice into several large pieces. By this time he was red with embarrassment, the other team snickering at his gigantic failure.

Dr. Dorian: Well, that was a bit obvious. The old Ball & Chain lacks the speed and accuracy of the Repeating Crossbow. Sure the Ball & Chain may have more blunt power, but in this case, it's just a little too little, and a little too late. Edge goes to the Repeating Crossbow.

Edge: Sun Tzu

Narrator: Now for a contest of mid range weaponry: William Wallace's War Hammer goes against Sun Tzu's Zhua.

Bob, eager to make up for his humiliating defeat in the long range challenge, walked up to to skulls: one real, one made of gel. In rapid succession, he slammed the hammer part down on the real skull, reducing it to powder. Then he turned it over to the spike side, and planted it into the gel head. The spike cut through like butter, the point coming out through the jaw.

Fred griped the Zhua and faced his gel torso. Then, spinning quickly the used the claws of the Zhua to tear the face off. He then slammed the end of the pole into the heads temple, before finishing it off by slamming the pointed fingers of the weapon into the dummies chest.

Dr. Dorian: Well, while I am impressed by the War Hammer's brutal display, I think that it just my be a bit too blunt. The range isn't great, and you can really only do two things with it. The Zhua has a longer range, it can be used to attack, defend, block, or redirect. I think that the Zhua has earned the Mid Range edge.

Edge: Sun Tzu

Narrator: For the final test, our combatants will test out a special weapon of their choice: Sun Tzu's Flaming Arrows, and William Wallace's Targe & Dirk Combo.

Fred was back in front of his Wallace look-alike dummy. The first arrow was lit and he fired the arrow, aiming for the cloth part of the dummy's clothing. At first it seemed like the cloth would catch fire, but then the arrow fell out onto the ground, and the fire went out. The next hit the chest, and managed to stick. However, the fire didn't really catch, and by the looks of it, the arrow didn't look to deep. In fact when the doctor went to check the wounds, the arrows never went deeper then where the cloth was wrapped around the arrow. Their was also not a lot of bleeding, due to the fire cauterizing the wound.

Finally it was Bob's turn, and he was determined to take the last advantage. He strapped the Targe shield to his arm, and raised the Dirk. Then he charged full speed at a gel dummy. The spike on the Targe pierced the dummy right through the heart. He then stabbed the neck and face of the dummy with the Dirk.

Dr. Dorian: While the Flaming Arrows are certainly interesting, they don't seem to be very effective. The Targe & Dirk however is putting something through somebody's chest and sticking out their back. That's just awesome. The edge goes to the Targe & Dirk combo.

Edge: William Wallace

Narrator: With all the testing complete, Max Geiger uploads the data gathered from the tests into the battle simulation, developed by Slitherine Studio, to simulate a battle to the death between these two warriors. To make sure that victory isn't snatched by a single lucky blow, the battle will be simulated 1000 times. Who will win in this battle of legendary leaders? William Wallace, the fearsome Scottish Rebel? Or Sun Tzu, the ruthless Chinese Warmonger? Highlander leader? Or "Art Of War" author?

Close Range Edge: Sun Tzu's Zhua

Mid Range Edge: William Wallace's Claymore

Long Range Edge: Sun Tzu's Repeating Crossbow

Special Weapon Edge: William Wallace's Targe & Dirk

It's time to find out which warrior is truly the deadliest. Max hits the button on the computer, and suddenly the screen goes "Matrix" on us.
   
We see William Wallace walk in on a campsite in the middle of the woods. William sees a teapot on the fire, but no one was around. Wallace figured that who ever this campsite belonged to must be nearby. Wallace lifted on of the cups by the fire and drank some of the tea. Wallace shrugged, it was better then any English tea at least.
   
Sun Tzu was returning from hunting to see a large man standing in his campsite. Sun Tzu was curious who he was, especially seeing how heavily armed he was. Not willing to take the chance that this man could be an enemy, Sun Tzu readied his Repeating Crossbow . . .
   
Wallace heard the whistling of an arrow and turned around just as an arrow hit him in the shoulder. He grunted and yanked the arrow out of his shoulder, ducking as a second arrow flew over head. He raised his Targe shield just in time to prevent a third arrow from going through his face. Deciding to retaliate, Wallace took hold of the Ball & Chain at his hip he spun around and threw the ball with all his might.
   
Sun Tzu just managed to jump out of the way as the steel ball flew past and slammed into a tree with sickening crunch. Sun Tzu just managed to steady himself as William Wallace came at him swinging his War Hammer. The Hammer knocked the Crossbow from Sun Tzu's hands, and he had to roll out of the way to avoid getting his head smashed in. Needing a weapon Sun Tzu reached behind a tree and pulled out his hidden Zhua.
   
Spinning around, he racked the claws of his weapon across the larger man's chest, tearing his shirt, but only clinking against his chain-mail armor. Wallace lashed out with his War Hammer, but was stopped by the Zhua.
   
The two stood for a moment, their weapons locked, when Sun Tzu twisted the Zhua and disarmed Wallace of his weapon. Sun Tzu tried to bring the claws down on Wallace's face, but Wallace actually managed to grab the weapon and stop its attack. Wallace tried to stab Sun Tzu with his Targe shield, but Sun Tzu jerked the Zhua from Wallace's grip and nailed him in the stomach with the blunt end before he could. The Zhua then bobbed Wallace in the head with the pole, stunning him. Wallace grunted in pain and almost blacked out. He grabbed the Zhua and yanked with all him might, before breaking it over his knee. When he stood up Sun Tzu was gone.
   
Meanwhile, Sun Tzu snuck through the woods, gathering some hidden supplies he had stashed just in case. He was going to prepare a little surprise for Wallace, one that he was sure would end him.
   
Wallace searched for his enemy, now holding his Dirk Dagger close, when he spied something down a hill. It was Sun Tzu! The man had his back turned, and was crouched down, likely waiting for an opportunity to attack him. Well, Wallace would never give him that chance, forgoing his war cry, Wallace jumped down and skewered Sun Tzu from behind with his Targe spike, feeling blood ooze form the wound. But something was wrong, Wallace turned the body to find it was nothing but armor filled with straw and sticks. But then what was that blood? In the center of the dummy was a now shattered pot, it contents covering most of the dummy's insides, and Wallace's shield. Wallace put his fingers to his tongue . . .  it tasted like . . . oil?
   
Wallace heard the sound of an arrow in flight, and turned just as a Flaming Arrow hit the Sun Tzu dummy dead center. The dummy burst into flames, sparks from the fire burning Wallace's boots. A second arrow hit his oil soaked shield, causing it to ignite. Wallace yelled out as the flames burned his arm, only dimly aware of a third arrow striking his right shoulder. Wallace cast the Targe away, just as the fire set about reducing it to ash. Wallace pulled out the third Arrow, which thankful had not managed to set him ablaze. He looked up to see the Chinese strategist glaring down at him.
   
Sun Tzu frowned from his spot in the tree. What did it take to kill this giant of a man? No matter, the man was clearly injured, and his shield not but ash. His enemy was left with but a paltry dagger, and a large sword; which Sun Tzu was skeptical he could even use in his condition. Still Sun Tzu knew he had to end this, his enemy was incredibly strong, but Sun Tzu knew he could defeat him. He leapt down from his tree, and drew his Jian. Wallace saw his enemy face him, draw his sword and twirl it in an impressive display.
   
Wallace grinned, it would end here. He stuck his Dirk back on his belt, no sense wasting it, and drew out his Claymore. His shield arm still stung a bit from the burns, but he knew he could win, he just knew it.
   
Sun Tzu saw that adversary was favoring his non-burned side, and began thinking of a strategy. He knew he could win, he just knew it.
   
The two warriors locked sword and began a deadly dance. Wallace tried to bisect the War Monger with wide swings only to have the smaller man duck and weave in and out his range. Sun Tzu retaliated by trying to skewer the Scottish Rebel with his precision jabs, only to have the giant jump away with a grace that seemed unnatural for his size.
   
Finally the sword lock once again, and Sun Tzu pushed with all his might, and slowly his sword came closer and closer to Wallace's body. Sun Tzu grinned, this would be his finest victory. Wallace had to do something, when he got an idea. Taking his burned hand let go of the Claymore, and when the Jian slid to take his head, he used his good arm to direct it to his shoulder. The chain-mail absorbed most of the damage, but the blade still cut enough to draw blood. But the moment his weaker arm had let go of the Claymore, it had reached for the Dirk at his belt. With a quick slash, he cut the weapon across Sun Tzu face. Sun Tzu jerked back as blood blinded one eye. Wallace then stabbed the hand holding the Jian in the wrist, making his enemy drop the weapon. Then as quickly as he could he grabbed his Claymore in both hands, and spun 360 Degrees. The blade seemed to scream as it tore through the air, before passing right though Sun Tzu and separating his head from his shoulders. The head flew off and landed right beside William Wallace. The body of Sun Tzu slumped into a heap on the ground, it's precious life blood spilling out and staining the ground.
   
Stepping back, Wallace eyed his fallen foe. Then he reared back his head and screamed to the heavens in victory!

Winner: William Wallace

William Wallace: 636

Claymore: 322

Targe & Dirk: 260

War Hammer: 50

Ball & Chain: 4

Sun Tzu: 364

Jian: 230

Zhua: 58

Repeating Crossbow: 50

Flaming Arrows: 26

Narrator: In this battle between two of histories most powerful and bloody warriors, it was William Wallace who came out alive. His Claymore and Targe & Dirk Combination dominated the fight and both had kills in the triple digits.

Dr. Dorian: I'm not surprised that Wallace won the fight, I am surprised that Sun Tzu didn't do quite as well as I had thought he would. Perhaps Sun Tzu is simply a better strategist then he is a fighter? Wallace had weapons that were devastating at every range, while only some of Sun Tzu's weapons, like the Jian, were effective. Others like the Repeating Crossbow, while seeming like they would be effective, simply lacked the power to take William Wallace down. This is somewhat similar to the fight of the Spartan vs. the Ninja. Sun Tzu can certainly hurt William Wallace, but William Wallace can absolutely kill Sun Tzu.

We see William Wallace standing over Sun Tzu's headless corpse, his arms raised as he yells in victory, his Claymore in one hand, the Jian in the other.

The End.