Deadliest Warrior, Chapter 28: French Musketeer vs. Apache
Narrator:
French Musketeer, the king's ruthless personal guard, and fierce defenders of France's borders. Last time, the Musketeers took out a squad of Spartans.
(We see a French Musketeer firing his Pistol into a Spartan's face).
Narrator:
Apache, the fierce, scalp-taking master of death. Last time, the Apache fought and killed a fierce Zande Warrior.
(We see an Apache smash the Zande Warrior's head in with his club).
WHO IS DEADLIEST?
To find out, our world class fighters are testing histories most lethal weapons. Using 21st century science, we'll see what happens when the two warriors go toe to toe. No rules. No safety. No mercy. It's a duel to the death, to decide who is....THE DEADLIEST WARRIOR!
French Musketeer
Height: 5' 9"
Weight: 160 LBS
Armor: Steel Cuirass
Win(s): (1) Spartans
Apache:
Height: 5' 7"
Weight: 140 LBS
Armor: None
Win(s): (1) Zande Warrior
Narrator: Here in the Fight Club, we take four weapons used by the French King's guards; The Musketeers:
Rapier
Main Gauche
Wheel Lock Pistol
Flintlock Musket
Grenade
Narrator: And have them face off against the weapons used by the scalp-taking Native Americans; The Apaches
Tomahawk
Knife
Bow & Arrow
Northwest Trade Gun
War Club
Narrative: For our first test, our warriors will be bringing out their mid range weapons: The Musketeers Rapier against the Apache's Tomahawk.
Max: Alright, this first one is easy. The Rapier has better reach then the Tomahawk. Despite the fact that the Tomahawk can be thrown, it cannot get past the Steel Cuirass. This, combined with the fact that the Apache no significant armor to speak of which could deter the Rapier, means that the Rapier sword takes the first edge.
Edge: Musketeer
Narrative: For the second test, our warriors lock blades as they dish out damage with their short range weapons: The Apache Knife going up against the Musketeer's Main Gauche.
Geoff: The Main Gauche is meant to be used in combination with the Rapier. While it can be used by itself, it's usefulness lessens somewhat. Unlike the Apache's Knife, the Main Gauche cannot be thrown. As we've seen, the Apache's possess amazing accuracy, and would have no trouble throwing the Knives at the Musketeer's exposed vitals. For versatility as well as functionality, the Short Range edge goes to the Knife.
Edge: Apache
Narrative: Now the third test, where our two warriors bring out their secondary long range weaponry: The Musketeer's Wheel Lock Pistol and the Apache's Bow & Arrow.
Geoff: Alright, I think for this, we need to think about some very important aspects of the weapons: Distance, Power, Accuracy, and Reliability.
Max: Alright, well I think that if we go by reliability, then the Bow wins hands down. That Wheel Lock Pistol is seriously prone to misfire. But the Bow & Arrow are just that, bows and arrows. They can't misfire.
Dr. Dorian: I agree, but if we go by power, then the outcome is somewhat different. When the Pistol does fire, it'll go right through the Apache. The Apache has no armor to even slow the bullets down, while the arrows would never pierce the Steel Cuirass the Musketeers wear. The only option would be to aim for the exposed body parts, which limits the area for effective kills.
Geoff: That just leaves distance and accuracy.
Max: Well, the Apache's were crack shots when it came to firing arrows.
Dr. Dorian: Yes, but Musketeers were just as well trained in firearms. So they're pretty equal.
Max: Pretty equal is not the same as equal, The Apache's were on the same level as the Samurai, and those guys could take out your eyes. I think that the Pistol works best if you're aiming at a general area, not one specific area.
Dr. Dorian: But do the Musketeers really need to aim at a specific area? Their targets are unarmored.
Max: True, but in terms of accuracy alone, the Apache's are more accurate.
Dr. Dorian: Fine, but what about distance?
Max: I'd say about the same.
Dr. Dorian: Yeah, me too.
Geoff: Well, then the edge goes to the Bow & Arrow, for both its accuracy and reliability.
Edge: Apache
Narrative: For the fourth test, these two groups get serious, and bring out their heavy duty long rang weapons, and introduce a new weapon to the DW arsenal with: The Apache's Northwest Trade Gun. And it will be going against the Musketeer's Flintlock Musket.
Geoff: Before we test, a little history: When the first American explorers came to this great land, they brought with them hundreds of these musket style guns. And either by thievery, or in some parts of the old colonies, trade, the guns made their way into the hands of the various Native American tribes. And boy did they learn how to use 'em. After a while, the indians were as good at shooting these as they were at shooting arrows.
Dr. Dorian: Alright, but will it prove to be as deadly as the other musket?
Bob loaded the Trade Gun with the musket ball, and took aim at the target. With a simple pull of the trigger the tiny ball of metal flew from the barrel and lodged itself in the throat of the unfortunate get dummy.
Dr. Dorian: Well, that settles it, it is lethal. But somehow I doubt it will work as well against the Musketeer's armor.
Max: Yeah, but the weapons are so similar in make and model, that it would really come down to the individual, and both of these warriors are well trained in the use of these weapons.
Geoff: Well, then I guess we have a tie.
Edge: Even
Narrative: Now comes the final test, where the two warriors will bring out their special weapons: the Musketeer's Grenade and the Apache's War Club.
Geoff: Grenade
Dr. Dorian: Grenade
Max: Grenade
Edge: Musketeer
Narrator: With all the testing complete, Max Geiger uploads the data gathered from the tests into the battle simulation, developed by Slitherine Studio, to simulate a battle to the death between these two warriors. To make sure that victory isn't snatched by a single lucky blow, the battle will be simulated 1000 times. Who will win in this battle of radically different cultures? The French Musketeers, the lethal servants of the French King? Or the Apaches, one of the deadliest and most feared tribes in America?
Mid Range Edge: Musketeer Rapier
Close Range Edge: Apache Knife
Secondary Firearm Edge: Apache Bow & Arrow
Primary Firearm Edge: Tie between Musket and Trade Gun
Special Weapon Edge: Musketeer Grenade
It's time to find out which warrior is truly the deadliest. Max hits the button on the computer, and suddenly the screen goes "Matrix" on us.
This fight takes place on the American Plaines. Five French Musketeers scour the area, looking for any natives. At the same time, five Apache's make there way towards the newest settlement. They plan to kill the settlers, in an attempt to drive the white man away from there land. There only real obstacle? The Musketeers.
Spotting the five frenchman tromping through the woods, the Apache's spread out and prepare to attack. One of the Apache's readies his Trade Gun. He's become a crack shot with it, and aims for the Musketeer trailing behind the others. Getting a nod from the leader of this expedition, the Apache fires, the bullet hitting the Musketeer in the head, killing him. But the noise of the gun alerts the other men, who ready themselves to defend from this ambush.
Musketeer: 4
Apache: 5
The head Musketeer spins around when the first shot is fired. Quickly he orders his men into a defensive position. An arrow flies from the woods, striking him in the chest. Had he not been wearing his steel armor, he'd be dead. He draws his pistol and fires back, but can't tell if he hits anything. He learns he didn't when a second arrow knocks off his hat. He and his men try to make there way back down the path they'd traveled down, but the savages were making it difficult. They had a bit of luck though, when one of his men threw a Grenade towards the place where the arrows had been coming from. The blast yielded the burnt body of an Apache, as well as setting a small blaze that was rapidly growing. With the woods starting to burn, the Apache's were forced to go for a more direct confrontation.
Musketeer: 4
Apache: 4
A Musketeer saw an Apache run past, and fired at him with his Pistol. The bullet struck the man in the shoulder, causing him to drop to the ground in pain. He also did this to grab some Knives hidden in his boots, which he promptly hurled at the Musketeer. One bounced off the the frenchman's chest plate, but the other struck him in the arm, making him drop the pistol.
As the Musketeer pulled the knife from his arm, he went to draw another Pistol, just as the Apache stood, taking another Knife from his belt. The Apache threw the Knife just as the Musketeer pulled the trigger. The last sound to reach the Musketeer's ears was the sound of his Pistol clicking as it misfired.
The wounded Apache watched satisfied as the Musketeer dropped dead with a Knife in his brain. Turning, he made his way off to find someplace to tend to his wound.
Musketeer: 3
Apache: 4
A Musketeer ran blindly through the foliage, when suddenly and Apache leapt from the brambles, Tomahawks in both hands. The Musketeer just managed to raise his Rapier to block a blow that would have split his head wide open. Pushing back with greater strength, he separated from the Apache, and began thrusting his Rapier in an attempt to pierce the Apache's heart.
The Apache ducked and weaved around the blows, occasionally returning fire with his Tomahawks. Soon, both warriors were covered superficial wounds. The Apache tried for an overhead strike with one of his axes, only for the Rapier to block him. This was what the Apache was hoping for however, and with a deft swing, he used his other Tomahawk to cut off the Musketeer's sword arm.
The Musketeer screamed in pain, even as his other hand flew to his belt. Grabbing the hilt of his dagger, he unsheathed it in one quick movement. The Apache had his Tomahawk prepared to decapitated his enemy, but was stopped short. The Musketeer had jabbed the Gauche dagger right up through the Apache's chin, and deep into his brain.
Musketeer: 3
Apache: 3
As the Apache dropped, the Musketeer clutched his wound, and knew if he didn't hurry he would soon bleed out. Casting a quick look around, he tried to make his way toward camp.
From the shadows, a pair of eyes looked on with anger. He had arrived just in time to see one of his fellow warriors get killed by this invader.
When the man's back was turned, he leapt from the shadows, War Club at the ready. The man had no time to turn around before the Club struck him across the back of the head. He fell to his knees, bleeding profusely from his wounds both old and new. A second strike shattered the man's skull, sending him into unending darkness.
Musketeer: 2
Apache: 3
A Musketeer checked his Musket as he tried to sneak through the foliage. At his belt were three Pistols, and his sword, though his dagger had been lost during the initial skirmish. Hearing rustling in the nearby brush, he readied his Musket.
The Apache with a bullet in his shoulder had managed to find a hidden cache of arrows, and was now trying to meet up with his brothers. Bursting through some of the bushes, he saw a startled Musketeer that was about to shoot. The Apaches' eyes widened, before turning and running the opposite direction. A last second turn allowed him to live, as a bullet from a Pistol slammed into the tree.
The Apache readied an arrow and leaned out from behind his cover to fire a shot off. The arrow missed the Musketeer, who tried to return fire. Unfortunately, his Pistol suffered a misfire and, with no time to reload it, he tossed it to the ground.
Hearing his adversaries grunt of frustration, the Apache began to stealthily make his way toward the Frenchman. A snap of a branch drew his prey's attention, causing the nervous man to fire off his last Pistol at the noise. The Apache did his best to suppress a groan of pain as the bullet bit into his left thigh.
It must not have been enough though, as the Musketeer raised his last gun, the Musket. He started walking toward the source of the noise cautiously. Suddenly, an arrow flew out and hit him right in the breastplate. A second arrow hit him in the ankle, while a third flew past his neck. Finally, the Musketeer returned fire, shooting at where he presumed his enemy to be; based on the position of the last arrow.
All was quite. Slowly, the Musketeer bushed aside the brush and looked for his foe. There he found what he sought. The Apache was unable to move out of the way in time after firing his last arrow. He paid for that, with a bullet to the lung, which had nicked the heart. Rather good for a mostly blind shot, but it had done the trick.
Musketeer: 2
Apache: 2
An Apache and Musketeer were locked in mortal combat. The Musketeer had his Rapier and Main Gauche drawn, while the Apache had two Knives. While the Musketeer had the longer weapons, the Apache was much to fast for the Musketeer.
The Musketeer's Rapier leaves a deep scratch across the Apaches' chest, causing him to leap back. The Musketeer follows up with a stab to the chest, only for the native to sidestep, leaving the frenchman off balance. Before he can regain his footing, the Apache kicks the Musketeer in the leg, cracking the bone, and causing him to stumble foreword. From there, a flick of the wrist is all it takes for the Apache to fling a Knife into his enemies jugular vein. The man gasps, but there is nothing he can do. His eyes roll back in his head, as he collapses dead.
The Apache smirks, reveling in his victory. Then something hard strikes him in the back of the head, causing him to turn around. Seeing nothing, he looks down. His eyes widen and then----
He is too late to move as the Grenade at his feet detonates, sending him flying back, his legs no longer attached. He hits his head on landing, sending him into blissful unconsciousness. He will not be waking up.
Musketeer: 1
Apache: 1
The Musketeer stepped out from behind a tree, and approached the remains of his comrade. He didn't want to use the finicky pistols if he didn't have to, as there malfunction had proven to be the death of several of his comrades. Now all he had were his blades, and two of the guns.
Suddenly an arrow buried itself in his shoulder, causing him to cry out in surprise. Turning swiftly, he saw the last Apache firing another arrow, which he only just dodged. The Apache was determined not to let him rest, and fired as many and as fast as he could. Two arrows found there home in his shoulder before he was able to return fire. He prayed his gun would work, and by god, it did! It didn't do much good though, as it only impacted the tree next to the Apache's head. Thankfully though, the Apache had run out of arrows. Instead, he took out a Tomahawk, and charged, intent on finishing the weakened man off.
He swung the axe down, his foe's Rapier rising to defend himself. They step back and duel back and forth, steel blade clashing with axehead. Suddenly, the Musketeer reaches for his Main Gauche with his other hand, and stabs at the Apache. The Apache steps out of the way at the last second though, getting a scratch on his side as he does. The Apache moves behind the Musketeer, taking out a second Tomahawk and slashing at his back. The Musketeer stepped foreword, wincing in pain, even as he turned around.
The duel continued, now even more frenzied with the addition of an additional axe and dagger respectively. Suddenly, the Apache caught the Main Gauche with his Tomahawk, and twisted, sending the dagger spinning away from the fighters. In retaliation, the Musketeer used his Rapier to slice the axe head off one of the Apache's Tomahawks.
The two stepped back, before charging each other once again, locking blades, each trying to over power the other. Then, while still pressing down on each other, they went for there belts with their free hand. The Apache was a second faster, and grabbed his Knife, which he used to stab the Musketeer just under the armor. The Musketeer cried in pain, and the Apache moved to stab him again. But the Musketeer's hand had found his last Pistol, and he had raised it to meet the Apache's eye in the time it took the Apache to stab him. Praying to God that this would work, he pulled the trigger, just as the Apache sent the Knife for his throat.
With a click and a Kaboom, the Apache knew no more. Slowly, his Knife, which had been a moment away from piercing the Musketeer's neck, fell backwards with the rest of his body to meet the cold earth. The Apache was dead, and the Musketeer remained.
The Frenchman took a deep shuddering sigh, shaken by his brush with death. When it had passed, he reared back his head and roared; both for his victory, and for his fallen comrades.
Winner: French Musketeer
French Musketeer: 573
Flintlock Musket: 204
Rapier: 139
Grenade: 90
Main Gauche: 80
Wheel Lock Pistol: 60
Apache: 427
Northeast Trade Gun: 181
Bow & Arrow: 100
Knife: 90
Tomahawk: 50
War Club: 6
Narrator: In this battle of two different warrior types and fighting styles, it was the Musketeer's who won the day.
Max: It's easy to see why the Musketeer's won this fight. While the Apache's did have access to guns, the Musketeer's simply had more and better firepower. Still, despite that, the Apache's managed to better then I expected with their non black powder weapons. But that alone wasn't enough. The Musketeer's had the better weapons, and they also had the better armor. The Apache's weapons couldn't do as much damage to the Musketeer's as the they could to them. Their hit and run tactics did often take the Musketeers by surprise, but it could only last them so long.
We see the last Musketeer back at camp, getting his wounds stitched up. In his hand is the Knife that almost took his life. He will never forget this day, and he will never forget that Apache. He planned to train hard from that day foreword, so that the next time he lead a team, their fate would not be like his last.
The End.
I was kind of expecting french musketeer vs pirate though.
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