Deadliest Warrior, Chapter 14: Attila The Hun vs. Vlad The Impaler
Narrator:
Attila The Hun, the notorious barbarian horseman, who terrorized and ravaged the European Continent.
(We see Attila and his Huns ravaging a local village).
Narrator:
Vlad The Impaler; the medieval Romanian Prince whose insatiable thirst for blood inspired the legend of Dracula.
(We see Vlad slaughter his enemies with his Kilij).
WHO IS DEADLIEST?
To find out, our world class fighters are testing histories most lethal weapons. Using 21st century science, we'll see what happens when the two warriors go toe to toe. No rules. No safety. No mercy. It's a duel to the death, to decide who is....THE DEADLIEST WARRIOR!
Attila The Hun
406 - 453 AD
Height - 5' 6"
Weight - 145 LBS
Armor - Leather Lamellar
Vlad The Impaler
1431 - 1476
Height: 5' 9"
Weight: 170 LBS
Armor: Chain Mail, Steel Plates, Shield, Steel Helmet
Narrator: Here in the Fight Club, we take four weapons used by the mighty barbarian, Attila The Hun:
Scythian Axe
Composite Bow
Lasso
Sword Of Mars
Narrator: And see how they compare to the tools used by the Romanian Prince, Vlad The Impaler:
Hand Cannon
Steel Crossbow
Halberd
Kilij
Narrator: For our first test, the two warriors will compare their Long Range Weapons: Attila's Composite Bow, against Vlad's Steel Crossbow.
Fred got on his horse, he had enjoyed his brief vacation during the Kenpachi/Zabuza fight, but now it was time for him to get back to work. Preparing his arrows, he rode off toward his targets. The targets were set up to move back and forth as he road past. Fred fired as quickly as he could, as well as proving to fairly accurate with his shots. When the doctor checked the targets, it showed that those that had landed inside the target circle, proved to be kill shots. In fact most took quite a bit of effort to pull out of the targets.
Next it was Bob's turn. Since his steel crossbow wasn't be fired from horse back, he stood facing the targets as they moved to and frow. He fired the first shot, which struck slightly off center, but then he took thirty seconds to reload before firing a second shot, which missed. After about three minutes of firing and reloading with various degrees of success, the team called a halt to the test.
Dr. Dorian: Since the Composite Bow can shoot much faster, and with greater accuracy; as opposed to the Steel Crossbow, which has long load time and little accuracy, we give the edge to the Hunnic Composite Bow.
Edge: Attila The Hun
Narrator: Our second test has our combatants going at it from mid range with: Vlad's Halberd against Attila's Lasso.
Bob faced his dummy, holding the menacing Halberd in the ready position, then on the testers signal, he attacked. He chard the dummy and, with a flourishing spin decapitated the dummy in a single swing.
This impressed the testers, but Fred and Attila's team were not. Fred pointed out that unless Vlad managed to actually get Attila off his horse, he'd never be fast enough with the Halberd to actually be a threat. Attila's team claimed that the lasso was the much better choice.
Fred once again mounted the horse. This time he charged a dummy, while twirling the lasso above his head. When he was in range, he tossed the lasso, and looped it around the neck of the dummy. As he passed the speed of the horse yanked the dummy off of its stand, and dragged it across the ground. When Fred came to a stop the doctor examined the dummy's neck. He found that the bones had not in fact been broken, as had been expected, but had slipped under the jaw, likely resulting in strangulation after a time.
Dr. Dorian: Well, unless the Lasso instantly snaps Vlad's neck, I don't doubt that he would be able to get free. It would simply take too much time to strangle him. The Halberd though, is almost instantly fatal. That's why I'm giving the mid range edge to the Halberd.
Edge: Vlad The Impaler.
Narrator: The third test pits the special weapons of our warriors against the others: with the Scythian Axe going against the Hand Cannon.
This time Fred didn't get a horse, but stood facing a mannequin dressed in armor like Vlad's. Readying himself, he swung his axe at the chain-mail, the blade actually managing to pierce the chest. The next shot aimed at the helmet, and punched right through. This test proved to the DW crew that Attila could be dangerous even when not on horseback.
But Fred and the Vlad team weren't impressed. They claimed that their weapon, the Hand Cannon, had more versatility and more stopping power.
Bob stood against several Hun dummies, all dressed in appropriate armor. Fred fired at the front most dummy, but the shot missed. The next shot though was a hit, and punched right through (though the DW crew took note of the lengthy reload time) the next few shots hit arms and chests, some with visible damage, some with none. And to round the test out, Bob did something unexpected. As though possessed by Vlad himself, he charged at the dummies and, using the Hand Cannon as a club, viciously beat the dummies to the ground, smashing in heads and faces.
Dr. Dorian: I think the Hand Cannon put on a good show, but I don't think that it's quiet as powerful as they made it out to be. It has a long reload and firing time, and if Vlad misses, Attila will be close enough to use his Axe. And while it seems inventive to use the Cannon as a club, I think that if it came to using it as a close range weapon, I'd rather have the Scythian Axe.
Edge: Attila The Hun
Narrator: Our final test has our two warriors going head to head with their close range weaponry: Vlad The Impaler's Kilij against Attila The Hun's Sword of Mars.
Fred was on the horse one last time for the final test, planning on running a gauntlet of hanging meat and slicing as much as he possibly could. He sliced the necks holding up two skull. Then pierced the torso of a dummy through the heart for an instant kill. Finally getting to and butchering the hanging beef. All kill shots, all impressive.
This time Bob did get on a horse, planning on running the same challenge. The Vlad team figured that the larger blade would be able to gain the advantage. As he started out he cut the neck of the first skull and sent it bouncing away. The second neck he missed, but actually sliced the skull itself in half. When he reached the torso he did an overhead swing. This nearly split the dummy in half. When he got to the hanging beef, he had built up enough speed that when he swung his blade, the large curved sword actually did cut the meat in half.
Dr. Dorian: Both of these blades impressed me. They both were able to deal kill blows very well. But I think that if I had to pick a blade, I would pick the Kilij. It's longer, the reach is better, and the damage inflicted on the course was slightly better then what the Sword of Mars had to offer. My pick for close range weapons is the Kilij.
Edge: Vlad The Impaler
Narrator: With all the testing complete, Max Geiger uploads the data gathered from the tests into the battle simulation, developed by Slitherine Studio, to simulate a battle to the death between these two warriors. To make sure that victory isn't snatched by a single lucky blow, the battle will be simulated 1000 times. Who will win in this battle of histories most brutal bloodthirsty men? Attila The Hun, who ravaged villages and slaughtered anyone in his path? Or Vlad The Impaler, who was known to dine on the blood of those he slaughtered?
Close Range Edge: Vlad's Kilij
Mid Range Edge: Vlad's Halberd
Long Range Edge: Attila's Composite Bow
Special Weapon Edge: Attila's Scythian Axe
It's time to find out which warrior is truly the deadliest. Max hits the button on the computer, and suddenly the screen goes "Matrix" on us.
We open on Attila The Hun riding through the woods, hunting food to bring back to his men. Suddenly the air was pierced by the sounds of horrible screams! Attila rode back quickly to his camp, only to find a terrifying sight: the clearing they had set up was filled with bodies, all impaled on giant spikes. Around the spikes were the bodies of men Attila did not recognize, but who he assumed were part of the squad that did this. In the center of this forest of bodies was a single soldier who was setting up a table of food for his master: Vlad The Impaler. Attila saw with disgust that the leader of these men was actually dipping his bread into the blood of his men.
Deciding to take action and vengeance, he rode into the clearing, firing from his Composite Bow, killing Vlad's last soldier. He fired an arrow at Vlad, but the arrow merely lodged in his helmet. Vlad didn't even look that upset, merely kicking the table over and ducking behind it as Attila road past continuing to fire arrows at him. When Attila had past, he stood up, and fired his Steel Crossbow. But the bolt flew harmlessly past Attila. Attila had run out of arrows, so he took out his Lasso and rode back to Vlad. Vlad fired a second shot, but Attila leaned out of the way. Before he could reload, Attila tossed the rope around Vlad's neck.
Just before the rope was thrown at him, Vlad had grabbed his Halberd from under the table. When the rope tightened around his throat, he was pulled behind Attila's horse, though his neck did not break. Thinking quickly, Vlad cut himself loose from the rope with Halberd. Rolling over on the ground, he took his Hand Cannon from his belt, and fired at Attila's back. He missed, and hit Attila in the shoulder. Though it wasn't fatal, it did knock him from his horse.
Vlad fired another shot, but Attila jumped out of the way, and charged at Vlad with his Scythian Axe. Since he was out of ammo, Vlad charged at Attila while swinging the Hand Cannon like a club. They clashed, and Attila twisted his axe and disarmed Vlad of his cannon, right before he buried his axe blade in Romanian Prince's shoulder. Vlad grunted in pain, then uppercut Attila, sending him stumbling back. Vlad plucked the axe from his shoulder, and examined the blade. Then he grinned insanely and licked his blood from the axe-head. Attila frowned, beginning to see that his oppenent was not mentally stable.
Seeing his opponent would not come to him, Vlad picked up his Halberd and ran at him full speed. Attila drew his Sword of Mars and got ready. Just as Vlad got to him and swung his Halberd down, Attila twirled around it and stabbed Vlad in the side. Vlad cried out and sliced his halberd at the Hun, planning to remove his head. Attila ducked the fatal blow, but the spike on the end left a nasty gash on his forehead.
The two continued to clash over and over, until finally Attila was able to stab Vlad in the arm, forcing him to drop his Halberd. Attila thought he'd won, until Vlad drew his Kilij. Even injured Vlad wielded the blade with great skill. As the two fought sword to sword, it seemed like they were evenly matched.
Finally, Attila rolled under Vlad's wide slash, and lashed out with the Sword of Mars, and nicked the back of Vlad's ankle, bringing him down to one knee. Attila raised his sword and prepared to behead the great Impaler. But Vlad raised his Kilij just in time, deflecting the blade away from him. Then he lashed out and cut Attila across the stomach. As Attila clutched his wound Vlad sliced again, this time removing one of the Hun leader's feet. Now off balanced and severely bleeding, Attila crashed to the ground.
Vlad managed to hobble over Attila, and prepared to deliver the finishing blow, but Attila was not finished yet. Even heavily injured he still had the mind set to stab Vlad when he had an opening. But Vlad moved and the meteorite blade pierced the chain-mail around Vlad's shoulder. Enraged, Vlad sliced Attila's sword arm off at the elbow. Attila countered with a mean left-hook that dazed Vlad and made him drop the Kilij.
This sparked a battle of fists, as the two warriors, now without weapons, beat each other senseless. Eventually, Vlad managed to get his fists around Attila's throat, while Attila concentrated his blows to Vlad's eyes and temple. Their movements slowed, and each warrior was close to blacking out. Both resisted because they knew that if they blacked out first, it would mean the end of them. In the end, the loss of blood got to him, and Attila blacked out first.
Attila was not expecting to awaken, but when he did, he was surprised to see himself in an unfamiliar location. He looked down where his arm once was, surprised to see a tourniquet keeping him from bleeding out. Then he looked around and saw Vlad sitting on a thrown, and knew he was in trouble.
Vlad grinned evilly as his men entered carrying the necessary tools. Attila's eyes widened, and he began to scream and curse Vlad, but what was to come was inevitable.
---
Soon, the halls of Vlad The Impaler had a knew resident. In the throne room, impaled on a massive spike, was the still bleeding, armless, one-footed body of Attila The Hun. Vlad looked up at the body, and saluted it, before crying out in victory.
Winner: Vlad The Impaler
Vlad The Impaler: 528
Kilij: 296
Halberd: 173
Hand Cannon: 30
Steel Crossbow: 29
Attila The Hun: 472
Composite Bow: 309
Sword Of Mars: 85
Scythian Axe: 64
Lasso: 14
Narrator: In this battle, we saw two of history's most sinister figures collide, with the only Vlad the Impaler walking away from it alive.
Dr. Dorian: It is a little surprising that Vlad won, considering the slowness of his weaponry. But I guess this is one of those times when power turned out to be more effective. It looks like that while at long range Attila can beat Vlad, when things get up close and personal, it's all Vlad.
We see Vlad admiring his latest acquisition, the Sword of Mars tucked into his belt. Vlad grinned, he had to fight more of these bizarre warriors. Warriors with weapons and techniques he was not familiar with. He would find them, and then, he would kill them, before adding their bodies to his abode. With that plan in mind, Vlad left to begin the preparations for his journey.
The End.
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