Somali Pirates vs. Jesse James Gang

Disclaimer: I don't own Deadliest Warrior; but I wish I did.

Deadliest Warrior, Chapter 6: Somali Pirates vs. Jesse James Gang

Narrator:
The Somali Pirates; Africa's deadly new breed of high seas high-jackers who make millions holding merchant ships hostage.
(We see some Pirates highjacking a ship).

Narrator:
Jesse James, the vicious outlaw whose bloody crime-sprees made him the most famous bank robber in America.
(We see Jesse's gang robbing a bank).

                                                  WHO IS DEADLIEST?
To find out, our world class fighters are testing histories most lethal weapons. Using 21st century science, we'll see what happens when the two warriors go toe to toe. No rules. No safety. No mercy. It's a duel to the death, to decide who is....THE DEADLIEST WARRIOR!

Somali Pirate:
Reign Of Terror: 1992 - Present
Height: 5' 10"
Weight: 145 LBS
Crimes: Vessel Hijacking

Jesse James Gang:
Reign of Terror: 1866 - 1876
Members: 4 - 8
Crimes: Bank Robbery & Murder

Narrator:  Here in the Fight Club, we take four weapons used by  modern day high-jackers, the Somali Pirates:

PKM Machine
Grappling Hook
AK-47
RPG-7

Narrator: And see how they do when we pit them against the Confederate Robber Jesse James:

Colt Revolver
Bowie Knife
Winchester Rifle
Pistol Whip

Narrator: First, the two teams will test out their long range weaponry: The Somali's PKM Machine and Jesse's Colt Revolver.

Fred checks his revolver as he walks out to the test course: a faux western-style bank with two tellers behind the counter, and two pedestrians. There is also a moving target in the form of a security guard that will role forward after the first shot is fired. This test would not only test how quickly Fred can shoot all the targets, it will also test to see how quickly he can draw his gun.

Fred gets into postion and waits for the signal. When he gets the green light he quickly draws the gun (being clocked at about a quarter of a second) and begins to fire.

His first shot takes out the teller on the right, going right through his head. The next two shots get the security guard, who barely has time to move forward before the bullets hit his chest and throat. Fred then proceeds to "kill" the other dummies, the whole shootout taking less then fifteen seconds.

But while our examiners found the whole thing impressive, the Somali Pirates don't. Bob points out that while the Colt can be drawn quickly, they were limited to only six bullets apiece. The PKM, he says could fire hundeds of bullets.

So the crew sets up a new course, two stationary targets, four moving targets. The targets were setup with special bags designed to send up colored smoke if the Somali team got an instant kill. And like Fred, Bob would be measured on how quickly he could raise and fire the PKM Machine Gun.

Bob got into a shooting stance, waiting for the signal. When it came he raised the gun as quickly as he could. That took about half a second, twice as long as the Colt. But once he raised the gun he let loose a barrage of bullets. At the three second mark, on of the dummies topples over from the assault. At the seven second mark, however, the gun jammed. Bob was able to fix the gun, but it took time, four seconds, which in a battle field could be disastrous. But after that he seemed to try to make up for lost time, and both the stationary targets let loose clouds of smoke as they were blow apart.

Dr. Dorian: In the end it comes down to me to make the choice. On the one hand, the PKM is a powerful gun. But it jams, and even if it only happened once, it still happened. It also took double the time of the Colt to be raised and fired. On the other hand we have the Colt. The weapon can certainly be used quickly, but it only has six shots, and none of them are the same caliber as the PKM rounds. In the end, I think the fact that they can kill the Somali Pirates before they can even shoot their guns, and not jam when they do it, is what makes me give the edge to the Colt Revolver.

Edge: Jesse James.

Narrator: Next, our two teams will test out their mid range weaponry: Jesse James' deadly Winchester Rifle, and the Somali Pirates high powered AK-47.

This time Bob will go first, as he steadies himself on a speed boat. This test was going to be special, as both warriors would have to make their shots while moving at high speeds.

As the boat moved by at high speeds, Bob shot at the 25 yard target, followed by the 50 yard target, then the 75 yard mark, and finally the 100 yard target. When Dr. Dorian and the crew went out to check the targets, they were shocked to see that all of the targets had not only taken what was considered kill shots, but that no matter the range, the location of the shots was consistant.

Dr. Dorian: That's impressive, when you can get your shots in the same area repeatedly, that's the sign of a great marksmen. I'm eager to see how the James Gang retaliates.

Fred would be firing his Winchester Rifle not from a boat, but from a horse. His targets were set at the same distance as those used by the Somali Pirates.

As he road past the 25 yard target, he shot it in the chest, for an instant kill. At the 50 yard mark, the bullet went up slightly, hitting the target in the throat, and while a kill shot, it was clearly getting harder for Fred to aim properly. At the 75 yard mark, Fred hit the shoulder, which was not a kill shot. And at the 100 yards, Fed shot his last bullet, it just barely grazed the side of the target.

Dr. Dorian: Now this may be more about the man using the gun then the actual gun itself, but only these first two shots are kills. The third is debilitating, and the man no can't use his arm, but he's not dead. And this last guy here, I don't think he's even that injured, and he can certainly keep on fighting. Also, the fact is is that the AK-47 has more rounds, and can fire much faster then the single shot action of the Winchester. My Edge goes to the AK-47 assault rifle.

Edge: Somali Pirate.

Narrator: Now are two teams will go up close and personal with their deadly close range weaponry: The Somali Pirates' unusual Grappling Hook, and the James Gang's Bowie Knife.

Fred stood before a large hanging slab of beef, the large knife in his hand. The rest of the team had decided to stand back, as one look at the blade had told them all that their would likely be a large amount of blood.

Fred's first stab went low, penetrating up to the hilt. Then he yanked the blade upward, creating a large, deep, gash. A large amount of blood was spilt on the floor, as everyone suspected. Fred finished off his demonstration by doing a downward stab at where one would guess a human neck might be.

Dr. Dorian: Well the results speek for themselves. While it was called an overkill in the James vs. Capone fight, I think this thing does the job exceptionally well.

Next came Bob, eyeing a fresh slab of beef. He gripped the grappling hook by the handle, trying to get the feel of the make-shift weapon. When he was ready he attacked. The serrated blades of the hook cut deeply into the meat, producing a vicious looking wound. But the serration's made it difficult to pull the hook back out again. Bob managed to take a few more swings, before the Doctor called for a stop.

Dr. Dorian: Well, it did better then other improvised weapons I've seen, but it's just not quite as impressive as the Bowie Knife. I agree with Matt when I say that their is a reason people have embraced sword and knife technology. My edge goes to the Bowie Knife.

Edge: Jesse James.

Narrator: For our final test, our two teams will test out their special weapons: Jesse James Gang's Pistol Whip, against the Somali Pirates RPG-7. . .

Bob couldn't help but smirk as he aimed his RPG at the faux bank Fred had used earlier to demonstrate his Colt. With a pull of the trigger, the missile went flying toward it's target. The bank exploded in a large cloud of smoke as it was reduced to rubble. Bob turned to Fred, and grinned : "Beat that."

Fred just looked down at his pistol. Scuffling his feet, and scratching his head in embarrassment, he sighed "Pass"

Dr. Dorian: Normally we try to make things as even as possible in terms of weapons. But here I guess we just kinda . . .  yeah. Edge goes to (do I really have to say this) the RPG-7. What a shocker.

Edge: Somali Pirate

Narrator: With all the testing complete, Max Geiger uploads the data gathered from the tests into the battle simulation, developed by Slitherine Studio, to simulate a battle to the death between these two warriors. To make sure that victory isn't snatched by a single lucky blow, the battle will be simulated 1000 times. Who will win in this battle of thieves? The master marauders of the high seas? Or the quick shooting, gun slingers of the west?

Close Range Edge: James Gang Bowie Knife

Mid Range Edge: Somali Pirate AK-47

Long Range Edge: James Gang Colt Revolver

Special Weapon Edge: Somali Pirate RPG-7

It's time to find out which warrior is truly the deadliest. Max hits the button on the computer, and suddenly the screen goes "Matrix" on us.

This fight takes place in a Civil War Museum. The museum is near the ocean. Inside are Jesse James and his gang, robbing the place. Outside, a group Somali Pirates, have shown up in a motor boat, also seeking to rob the museum of its gold coins. Hearing activity inside the place, the somali pirates, except one gather near the main entrance where they hear the noise. The last pirate readies his RPG-7. Nodding to his comrades, they throw open the doors. Jesse's gang looks up in surprise, not expecting anyone else to be there. The pirate with the RPG-7 takes advantage of their momentary surprise and launches his weapon. Jesse jumps out of the way of the projectile, but the man at the back of the room isn't so lucky. He, along with the display case behind him are vaporized.

Somali Pirate: 5                        Jesse James: 4

Now knowing they were up against some serious enemies, the James gang returns fire while making their way deeper into the building. One of the cowboys manages to hit one of the pirates in the head with his Colt, dropping the man like a sack of potatoes. The other Somali Pirates chase after the Gang, except for the RPG-7 pirate, who makes his way back outside for a reload.

Somali Pirate: 4                        Jesse James: 4

As most of the James Gang round a corner in the museum, one stays behind. Seeing a pirate turn round the bend, he shot at him with his Colt. They man is hit in his shoulder, but manages to to aim his AK-47 with enough accuracy to pump several rounds into the cowboys chest. As the dead man slumped to the ground, the pirate made his way forward. As he passed by a seemingly innocent door, it opened to revel another of the James Gang. The man snuck up behind the pirate and stabbed him in the back with his Bowie Knife. After he was sure the pirate was dead, he ran off to rejoin Jesse and the others.

Somali Pirate: 3                        Jesse James: 3

Jesse and his two remaining men entered what looked like the central office of the museum. Their were plenty of desks and file cabinets to support the idea. As they entered a pirate jumped from the shadows, swinging a Grappling Hook, hitting the cowboy with the Bowie Knife in the back of the neck. One of the hooks cut him deeply and he began to bleed out. Seeing this Jesse whirled around and blasted the pirate in the chest with his Winchester. The pirate fell over dead.

Somali Pirate: 2                        Jesse James: 3

That was when another Somali Pirate burst in and opened fire with his PKM Machine Gun. Jesse was able to duck behind a desk for cover, but his second in command was riddled with gunfire. The wounded gang member, knowing he was going to die anyway, took his Bowie Knife and threw it at the pirate. The blade hit the pirate in the shoulder, making him drop his weapon. That was when Jesse popped up and shot the pirate dead in the head with his Rifle. The wounded member just nodded his head "Go get'em Jesse" before he past out and died. Jesse just bowed his head for his lost men, then dropped his empty Winchester, and taking out his Colt. He then made to exit the museum.

Somali Pirate: 1                        Jesse James: 1

The last Somali Pirate waited outside the museum for any sign of activity. Hearing a door slam in around the side of the building he ran to investigate, RPG-7 ready. That was when he saw Jesse James, and Jesse James saw him. Quickly he went to fire his weapon "Bang" . . . He looked at Jesse who had his Colt drawn, then back at himself, where a rosebud of blood is slowly growing on his chest. That was when he fell backward to the ground, his weapon falling with him, useless and unfired.

Jesse just walks over and makes sure he's dead. When he is sure, he removes his hat and screams: "YEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWW!!!!!!!"

Somali Pirate: 0                        Jesse James: 1

Winner: Jesse James

Jesse James: 511

Colt Revolver: 240

Winchester Rifle: 200

Bowie Knife: 70

Pistol Whip: 1

Somali Pirate: 489

AK-47: 226

RPG-7: 160

PKM Machine: 100

Grappling Hook: 3

Narrator: In a surprising turn around, the Jesse James Gang manages to just snatch victory with 511 kills. This is due mostly to their Colt and Winchester. Though the Somali Pirates almost had them with their AK-47 and RPG-7, it was the surprising speed that allowed for Jesse's victory.

Dr. Dorian: In retrospect, I suppose it's not too surprising. While it may seem that the Somalis are more advanced as far as weapons are concerned, the fact is that the James Gang was able to use their superior speed and marksmanship to kill them before they could use their weapons.

We see Jesse wave his hat, before running off into the sunset.

The End.