Maori vs. Gladiator

Disclaimer: I don't own Deadliest Warrior; but I wish I did.

Deadliest Warrior, Chapter 26: Maori vs. Gladiator

                Redemption Match!

Narrator:
Maori warrior; fierce, unforgiving, slayer of the south seas. The last time the Maori entered the arena, he was brutally assassinated by the Ninja.
(We see the Maori with the Ninja's Kusarigama buried in his neck).

Narrator:
Gladiator; Proud, thrilling killer of ancient Rome. But when the Gladiator tried to take on a Viking, he quickly found himself cut down to size.
(We see the Gladiator slump to the ground, his throat slit by the Viking's Long Sword).

                                                      WHO IS DEADLIEST?
To find out, our world class fighters are testing histories most lethal weapons. Using 21st century science, we'll see what happens when the two warriors go toe to toe. No rules. No safety. No mercy. It's a duel to the death, to decide who is....THE DEADLIEST WARRIOR!

Maori Warrior:
Height - 5' 9"
Weight - 180 LBS
Armor - None
Gear - 8 LBS
Lost: (1) Ninja

Gladiator:
Height - 5 ' 8"
Weight - 185 LBS
Armor - Bronze
Gear - 10 to 38 LBS
Lost: (1) Viking

Narrator:  Here in the Fight Club, we take four weapons used by the Haka chanting islander; the Maori:

Stingray Spear
Mere
Shark Tooth Club
Taiaha

Narrator: and pit them against the weapons of used by the master of arena combat; the Gladiator:

Cestus
Scissor
Trident & Net
Sica

Narrator:  Since both of these warriors have already entered our arena before, we can forgo the testing of said weapons, and skip right to judging. Any tests we need to do will be done at the team's discretion.

Narrator: For our first test, the two warriors will show off their close range weapons: the Maori Stingray Spear against the Gladiator's Cestus.

Geoff: Alright, today we don't need to do a lot of armor tests, because both of these warriors wear little to no armor.

Max: True, now if we compare the Spear to the Cestus, I think we should give the edge to the Spear for range.

Dr. Dorian: I disagree, I remember what happened to that side of beef after Chuck got through with it. I give the edge to the Cestus.

Geoff: I agree. Also, both of these warriors will probably try to fight through the pain, so which of these weapons will be able to cause consistent damage? Well, after one hit, the Stingray Spear breaks apart, but the Cestus can keep going. Edge to the Cestus.

Edge: Gladiator

Narrator: For our second test, the two teams will test out their other close range weapons: The Gladiator's Scissor and the Maori's Mere.

Dr. Dorian: I have never seen a weapon go through a side of beef like that Scissor did.

Geoff: Yeah, but do you remember the way that Mere club turned a bull's skull into powder?

Max: I remember that, that was awesome! Plus, with that kind of force behind it, it could probably smash the Gladiator's skull through his helmet. I vote for the Mere.

Edge: Maori

Narrator: Now things start to heat up, as our competitors unleash their some of their primary weapons: The Maori Shark Tooth Club against the Gladiator's Trident & Net combo.

Dr. Dorian: Why isn't the Taiaha going against the Trident & Net combo?

Geoff: We thought that the Maori's greatest weapon should go against the Sica.

Dr. Dorian: Why?

Max: No reason….. So anyway, my vote goes to the Trident & Net. The Shark Club may cause lasting damage, but that combo has better range and greater lethality.

Geoff: Agreed.

Dr. Dorian: I still don't know why you shuffled it, but find, edge to the Combo.

Edge: Gladiator

Narrator: For the final test, the two combatants will bring out their final weapons: The Gladiator's Sica faces off against the Maori's Taiaha.

Max: I think that the Taiaha should be given the edge. It has greater versatility then the Sica.

Dr. Dorian: But the Sica is a sword!

Geoff: True, but the Sica wasn't a very impressive weapon. While it will prove to advantageous against his unarmored opponent, their is only so much he can do with it. Max is right in commenting on the versatility of the Taiaha, so I second the motion for the edge.

Edge: Maori

Narrator: With all the testing complete, Max Geiger uploads the data gathered from the tests into the battle simulation, developed by Slitherine Studio, to simulate a battle to the death between these two warriors. To make sure that victory isn't snatched by a single lucky blow, the battle will be simulated 1000 times. Who will win in this battle of losers? The Maori, who loses in almost every simulation he's put in? Or the Gladiator, who only manages to do slightly better then his New Zealand counter-part?

Close Range Edge: Gladiator's Cestus

Mid Weapon Edge: Maori's Mere

Secondary Weapon Edge: Gladiator's Trident & Net

Primary Weapon Edge: Maori's Taiaha

It's time to find out which warrior is truly the deadliest. Max hits the button on the computer, and suddenly the screen goes "Matrix" on us.

This fight takes place in the middle of a Roman Colosseum. A Gladiator walks into the ring. He has been lucky so far. Ever since he was recaptured after the Viking bested him, rather then killing him outright, he'd been given more difficult opponents everyday.

On the opposite end of the arena, a Maori is thrown in, followed by his weapons. After the Maori was bested by the Ninja, he was captured by the Romans, who wanted him to compete in their games. Now, if he wanted to live, he would have to kill the Gladiator.

The two warriors stood eyeing one another, when the Maori began to do his Haka chant. The crowd went dead quite at the strange spectacle. When he was done, some laughed, some applauded, and others just stared. The Gladiator, thinking he was being mocked, picked up his shield and Scissor and charged the Maori. The Maori responded by picking up his Shark Club and Mere and running at the Gladiator.

The Gladiator slashed the Scissor at the islander's head, but the Maori ducked. He countered with a swing from his Shark Club, which the Gladiator blocked with his shield. Stepping back, he again swung his Scissor, but the Maori skillfully blocked with his Mere club. Stepping inside the Gladiator's guard, he swung his Shark Club at the Gladiator's exposed chest. The Gladiator jumped back, but still received a slight cut.

Lashing out with his shield, he caught the Maori with an uppercut, that knocked the Maori to his back. The Maori had to roll out of the way as the Gladiator tried to crush him with his shields boss. Before the Gladiator could right himself, the Maori struck him in the helmet with his Mere, sending a gonging sound through the arena. The Gladiator has forced to abandon his shield when he saw that the next hit would be from the Shark Club. Standing up, he swung his Scissor widely as he backup to where his other weapons lay.

Seeing his opponent retreat, the Maori decided to press his advantage, and charged his opponent. He saw the Gladiator throw his Scissor to the ground, and pick up the fearsome looking Trident. The Maori was forced to stop his charge and hastily side step the Gladiator's thrust, which still caught his side slightly.

Before the Maori could come any closer, the Gladiator whipped his net at him. It wrapped around one of the Maori's arms, ensnaring his Shark Club. The Maori tried to pull his weapon free, the teeth on the club bitting into the ropes that composed the net. Alas, it was not to be, and the Maori was forced to let go of the club in order to dodge a blow from the Trident that almost skewered him. Knowing he would need more then just his trusty Mere, the Maori turned and ran back to where the Romans had thrown his other weapons.

The Gladiator was right behind him though, and he wasn't planning to let the Maori arm himself. Taking aim, her hurled his net, which wrapped around the Maori's legs, causing him to crash to earth. The Maori had to roll quickly out of the way as the Gladiator threw his Trident like a spear, impaling the spot the Maori had been a moment before.

Somehow managing to untangle himself, the Maori grabbed the nearest weapon: his Stingray Spear. Not a moment later the Gladiator was upon him, having grabbed his Trident. Before the Gladiator could skewer him, however, the Maori reacted and stabbed at the Gladiator with his Spear. But the Gladiator was quicker and grabbed the Stingray Spear with his Cestus covered fist, before breaking it. But that moment of pause was enough for the Maori, who slammed the Gladiator in the side of the leg with the Mere, the jade club sending the man to his knees.

The Gladiator stabbed furiously with his Trident, but the Maori managed to get out of the way with only a slice across his side. The Gladiator lashed out with his fist, and caught the Maori across the face with his Cestus. The spikes leaving long scratches across the Maori's forehead. The Maori managed to hastily get to his feet, tightening the grip on his Mere. The islander raised his Mere to smash the Gladiator's head in, but finally the Gladiator managed to hit him. He struck the Maori's arm, piercing right through the forearm holding the Mere club. The Maori screamed in pain and dropped his club, clutching his bleeding arm. Now furious, he picked up his greatest weapon: his Taiaha. Twirling it with his good arm, he steadied himself as the Gladiator stood.

Deciding to try a different tactic, the Gladiator hurled his Trident like a spear, followed by charging right behind it, Sica drawn. The Maori easily sidestepped the poorly thrown Trident. He then used the bladed end of his Taiaha to deflect the Sica's swing, and the two settled into a vicious duel.

The two traded blows back and forth, before finally the Maori was forced to block an overhead swing from the Gladiator. The Sica struck the Taiaha right in the center. The blow caused the wood to crack badly, almost destroying the old staff. It was only a kick from the Maori to the Gladiator's stomach that keep the Gladiator from cutting all the way through it. Deciding to keep his enemy from going on the offensive, and began to stab at his opponent with the pointed end of his staff.

The Gladiator was forced to quickly step back, or else become a pin cushion. When the blade pieced his right shoulder, he knew he was going to have to finish the fight.

Timing his attack just right, the Gladiator watched as the Maori stabbed for his heart. Just before it reached him, he sidestepped the attack. He then lashed out with a brutal punch from his Cestus. The spiked fist struck the outstretched weapon, hitting right in the crack left by his Sica. The punch possessed so much force, that when it hit the already damaged weapon, the wood was forced to yield. The Taiaha broke under the might of the Cestus, leaving the Maori holding half a staff in his hands.

Before the Maori could drop the staff for the Mere attached to his belt, the Gladiator swung his Sica at his chest. The Maori leaned back, but still received a bloody gash across his chest.

Stepping foreword, the Gladiator punched the injured Maori in the stomach with his Cestus, the spikes cutting into flesh. As the Maori doubled over in pain, he clubbed him on the back of the head with the hilt of his sword. The Maori fell to the ground, barely clinging to consciousness. He felt a heaviness on his back, as the Gladiator placed his foot on him, pressing him into the ground.

The Gladiator looked up at his emperor, who in turn looked out at the crowds. They were all screaming at such a fantastic display. Finally, after a few moments, the emperor gave his decision: A thumbs down; death.

Nodding at his emperor, the Gladiator tightened the grip on his Sica. Rising the weapon high above his head, he then plunged the weapon downward. The Sica pierced the back to the Maori's skull, slicing through his brain and killing him instantly. The Maori had been good, the Gladiator thought ideally, but not good enough.

Stepping back from the corpse, the Gladiator raised his arms to bask in the glory of his victory. He had survived another day, and so far, the people loved him for it. He wondered how long that would last? He sighed as his captors lead him back to his holding cell. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw as another set of Romans collected the body of the Maori, which would most likely be fed to the lions.

Winner: Gladiator

Gladiator: 513

Trident & Net: 200

Sica: 150

Scissor: 83

Cestus: 80

Maori: 487

Taiaha: 195

Mere: 122

Shark Tooth Club: 120

Stingray Spear: 50

Narrator: In this dramatic beat-down between two of DW biggest losers, it was the Gladiator that finally came out on top. Scoring a decent 513 kills in the simulation, he can give most of his thanks to his Trident and Net combo, which scored almost half his total kills.

Max: Well it looks like even the Gladiator can be a winner, if he's fighting the Maori.

Geoff: True, and I think he won today, thanks to his superior killing arsenal. His weapons are just better at killing.

Dr. Dorian: And it's not hard to understand why. He has steel weapons, while the Maori is fighting with stones and wood. While I will admit that some warriors can pull that off, the Maori just doesn't seem able too.

Max: I wonder, will there ever be a warrior that the Maori can beat?

We see the Gladiator back in his holding cell. Outside, his weapons are being repaired and maintained, so that they will be ready for the next day in the arena. Amongst them, is the jade club of the Maori, who felt that it should go to the Gladiator by right of conquest. A trophy that proved the Gladiator's right to live, at least, just one more day.

The End.