Celt vs. Comanche

Disclaimer: I don't own Deadliest Warrior; but I wish I did.

Deadliest Warrior, Chapter 18: Celt vs. Comanche

Narrator:
A Celt; the savage war loving barbarian from 400 BC, who dominated Europe through brute force and raw fighting skills.
(We see a Celt running into battle and decapitating an enemy with his sword).

Narrator:
The Comanche; the born in the saddle killers, who terrorized the 18th century american plains.
(We see a Comanche kill a settler and scalp him).

                                                     WHO IS DEADLIEST?
To find out, our world class fighters are testing histories most lethal weapons. Using 21st century science, we'll see what happens when the two warriors go toe to toe. No rules. No safety. No mercy. It's a duel to the death, to decide who is....THE DEADLIEST WARRIOR!

Celt
Year: 400 BC
Height: 6'
Weight: 180 LBS
Armor: Leather & Wooden Shield

Comanche
Circa 1840
Height: 5' 9"
Weight: 145 LBS
Armor: Buffalo Hide Shield & Bone Armor

Narrator: Here at the Fight Club, we take four weapons used by the savage Celts:

Long Sword
Lancea
Sling
Burda Club

Narrator: and see how they fare against the weapons used by the Comanche:

War Hawk Club
War Lance
Bow & Arrow
Scalping Knife

Narrator: For our first test, these two warriors will lock heads in close range combat with: The Celtic Long Sword, and the Comanche War Hawk Club.

Fred confidently took his Long Sword and approached the hapless dummy. Twirling it like a pro, he swung his sword at the effigy's head. The blade cut through the flesh and bone like a hot knife through butter. The head fell to the ground with a plop, and rolled away.

Next was Bob, holding a War Hawk. Giving a mighty swing, he buried the spike points into the neck of the dummy. He pulled them out with a sickening, squelch, before bashing the dummy again and again. Soon the dummy was riddled with holes.

Dr. Dorian: Well, both of these weapons are very effective. The War Hawk seems to have some especially devastating effects on the body. However, since the Celtic Long Sword managed a decapitation in a single swing, I'm giving the Close Range Edge to the Long Sword.

Edge: Celt

Narrator: Now it's time for our warriors to saddle up, as they get ready to test out their mid-range weapons: The Comanche War Lance, and the Celtic Lancea.

Bob got in the saddle, holding the War Lance loosely in his hand. His test was to ride around twice, and stab a celtic dummy twice. Once in the armored belt, another in a non-armored location. This way they could get a sense of how much damage the War Lance did, and how much the Celt's limited armor could defend against.

Bob rode off at top speed, aiming the lance at the dummy's chest. Just as he was about to pass, he stabbed the right in the heart, leaving a large, bleeding puncture wound. Sure he had done his first task successfully, he road around for the next strike. Like before, he slammed the the Lance into the body. But this time he aimed for the armor-style belt the Celt wore. The blade of the Lance, but Bob could feel that it wasn't as deep as is first.

Dr. Dorian: Well, the first shot is an instant kill, no doubt. This second shot, while at first seemingly non-lethal, actually is. While the wound isn't as deep, it will kill the Celt. It won't be instant, but pretty close. The War Lance will be hard to beat.

Of course, Fred was certainly willing to try. Readying his chariot, Fred snapped the reins and was off. Readying his Lancea, he speared the Comanche right through the head, before heading back to the starting zone. Because the Comanche had no armor, a second run wasn't required.

Dr. Dorian: Well, it's close, but I think I like the War Lance better. In terms of use, the Comanche is faster, and he can pierce the limited armor of the Celt. And that counts for a lot. My vote goes to the War Lance.

Edge: Comanche

Narrator: Now it's time to take a step back, as our warriors take aim with their Long Range Weapons: The Celtic Sling, and the Comanche Bow & Arrow.

Fred spun the Sling over his head, before tossing the stone at a skull. The Skull got a dent and some cracks on it; but the Doctor confirmed that it was not an instant kill. Fred then shot the stone at some other bones, including leg and arm bones. These bones were snapped in half by the weight of the stone.

Bob on the other hand stood much farther away from his target. Prep-ing his bow, he fired off several shots, all hitting various areas of the chest and head region. These, the Doctor confirmed were all kills.

Dr. Dorian: Well, this isn't much of a surprise, the Bows tend to do better then Slings, and now is no exception. The Long Range Edge goes to the Bow & Arrow.

Edge: Comanche.

Narrator: For the final test, the warriors bring out their special weapons: The Comanche Scalping Knife and the Celtic Burda Club.

Bob's gel torso was placed lying down. It was different then other dummy's, in that it had a full head of hair. Placing his Knife on the scalp, he made some quick cuts, and soon, had the top of the  dummy's head in his hand.

Fred's test wasn't nearly so dramatic. His target was a human skull on a test table. In two steps, Fred was standing over the skull. Giving a quick war cry, Fred smashed the skull to bits.

Dr. Dorian: I have to say, I actually like the Burda Club more. The length is longer, and it can do a great deal more damage. So for special weapons, I give the edge to the Burda Club.

Edge: Celt.

Narrator: With all the testing complete, Max Geiger uploads the data gathered from the tests into the battle simulation, developed by Slitherine Studio, to simulate a battle to the death between these two warriors. To make sure that victory isn't snatched by a single lucky blow, the battle will be simulated 1000 times. Who will win in this battle of opposites? The fierce Celt? Or the fast Comanche? Steel or Nature?

Short Range Edge: Celtic Long Sword

Mid Range Edge: Comanche War Lance

Long Range Edge: Comanche Bow & Arrow

Special Weapon Edge: Celtic Burda Club

It's time to find out which warrior is truly the deadliest. Max hits the button on the computer, and suddenly the screen goes "Matrix" on us.

This story starts on a grassy plain parallel to a forest grove; where the two Celts are driving their chariot across the plains. Suddenly, out of the forest, a Comanche burst out on horseback, Bow & Arrows drawn. The Comanche fired an Arrow at the Celt, one of them ducking to avoid the shot while picking up a Sling and shield. The chariot driver had no time to react as the Arrow pierced his neck. He fell backwards off the chariot, and the horses went out of control. The other Celt had to quickly grab the reins and steer the horses to the center of the field, slowing them to a stop.

The Comanche had followed and proceeded to rain arrows down on the Celt. The Celt blocked most with his shield and dodged the rest. Spinning his Sling, he hurled a stone at the Comanche, only for the Comanche to duck as the rock sailed past. The second stone missed the Native, but struck the horse in the flank. The Comanche reared around and charged at the Celt for another pass. Just as he drew the Bowstring back, the Celt got lucky. The stone from the Sling struck the Comanche's hand, causing him to reflexively jerk his hands back, dropping the Bow & Arrow.

Annoyed the Comanche took his War Lance and charged strait at the Celt. Seeing this, the Celt dropped his Sling, and picked up his Lancea.

Soon the two warriors were in range of each other's attacks, when multiple things all happen in rapid succession: The Celt placed his shield in front of him to protect him from the War Lance, while he jabbed his Lancea at the Comanche. At the same time, the Comanche sent his War Lance through the Celt's shield, while also leaning back to avoid the Lancea.

When he saw the War Lance pierce his shield, the Celt jerked the shield away from his body. However, this happened before the War Lance was taken out. This resulted in the Comanche, who was already somewhat off balance as a result of dodging the Lancea, to be pulled off of his horse and fall to the ground. As he landed, he managed to pull the War Lance with him as he rolled out of the way as the Celt tried to bring the Lancea down on him. Deciding to change tactics, the Celt threw down his Lancea, and proudly drew his Long Sword.

The Comanche had to doge again, as the Celt was intent to separate his head from his shoulders, but this time he was better prepared. As he moved away from the swing, he lashed out with his Lance. His War Lance managed to pierce the shield, and strike the Celt in the side of his armor-belt. The Celt howled out as his side was cut. Though the wound was non-lethal, he was still angry. Rearing back he swung his Long Sword down and split the War Lance in two before it could be taken back.

The Comanche stumbled back and took out his War Hawk and Scalping Knife. The Celt, noticing his shield is full of holes, throws it down, and takes out his Burda Club instead. The two warriors lightly engage one another, locking, and backing away, each looking for a weak point. Suddenly the Comanche strikes and, managing to avoid the Celt swing with the Burda, stabs the arm holding the Long Sword with the Scalping Knife. The Celt drops it in pain, and tries to crush the Comanche's head with his Club. The Comanche twists out of the way, ending up slightly behind the Celt. Taking advantage of this he swings his War Hawk at the Celt's exposed back. But the Celt manages to avoid the worst of it, as the War Hawk buries itself in the back of his thick armor-belt. As the Celt twists away, the War Hawk comes from the Comanche's hands, and stays stuck in the back of the belt, leaving him with only his Scalping Knife.

The Celt lunges with his club, and the Comanche only just manages to catch his arm mid-swing. He tries to stab the Celt, but the Celt grabs his wrist. The two stand there, locked in combat, when the Comanche tries something unexpected. He head-butts the Celt with all his might. Both warriors stumble away from each other, holding their heads.

Fighting through the pain, the Comanche throws the Knife at the Celt, striking him in the shoulder. As the Celt goes to remove the blade, the Comanche tackles him to the ground, screaming a war chant. The Celt falls with his face to the ground, allowing the Comanche to get his War Hawk. Pulling it free from the belt, he goes to slam it into the Celt's neck. But the Celt rolls over and strikes the Comanche in the side of the knee with his Burda Club, stopping the strike, and sending the Comanche to his good knee. The Celt turns and sees his Lancea nearby. He turns to run to it, but the Comanche returns the wound from the Burda Club by hitting the Celt in the leg with the War Hawk. The Scotsman stumbles and falls, landing almost in arms reach of his Lancea.

The Comanche makes it up and limps to the Celt to finish him off,  when suddenly the Celt rolls over, Lancea in hand and spears the Comanche right though his chest. The Comanche stops dead in his tracks, blood pooling from his wound. He looks at the Celt surprised, before falling over dead.

Standing up, the Celt fetches his Long Sword and performs a ritual well known to his people. Grabbing the Comanche by the hair, he pulls the dead man up slightly. Then with a quick swing, severed the indians head from his shoulders. The deed done, the Celt reared his head back and screamed in victory!

Winner: Celt!

Celt: 609

Long Sword: 294

Burda Club: 140

Lancea: 125

Sling: 50

Comanche: 391

Bow & Arrows: 137

War Lance: 134

War Hawk: 118

Scalping Knife: 2

Narrator: In this fierce battle of opposites, it was the Celt who emerged triumphant. He success was helped along greatly by his Long Sword, which scored the most kills in the simulation.

Dr. Dorian: Well, I am somewhat surprised by this outcome. I thought that maybe the Comanche's superior long range weapons would be too much for the Celt. But it looks like the Celt had enough skill in the other departments to prove me wrong.

We see the Celt back at his home. He is sharpening the tips on the War Hawk he had claimed in his battle. At the front of his house, the Comanche's head stares vacantly into space, impaled on a sharp spike.

The End.