Alexander the Great vs. William Wallace

Disclaimer: I don't own Deadliest Warrior; but I wish I did.

Deadliest Warrior, Chapter 30: Alexander The Great vs. William Wallace

Narrator:
Alexander The Great, the warrior king, whose brutal tactics carved out one of the largest empires in history. Last time, Alexander's latest conquest lead him to the savannas of Africa, where he faced the warlord Shaka Zulu, and put him down.
(We see Alexander fire a gastraphetes at Shaka Zulu's chest, killing him).

Narrator:
William Wallace; William Wallace; the legendary scottish rebel, who lead a bloodthirsty army of Highlanders against the mighty English empire. Last time, Wallace showed us that might makes right, when he faced master strategist Sun Tzu, in a battle that made heads roll.
(We see William Wallace swing his Claymore, and decapitated Sun Tzu).

                                                    WHO IS DEADLIEST?
To find out, our world class fighters are testing histories most lethal weapons. Using 21st century science, we'll see what happens when the two warriors go toe to toe. No rules. No safety. No mercy. It's a duel to the death, to decide who is....THE DEADLIEST WARRIOR!

Alexander The Great
340 - 323 BC
Height - 5' 7"
Weight - 155 LBS
Armor - Bronze Cuirass

William Wallace
c. 1270 - 1305
Scotland
Gear - 40 LBS
Armor  - Chain Mail

Narrator: Here in the fight club, we take four weapons used by Warrior King, Alexander the Great:

Kopis
Gastraphetes
Xyston
Macedonian Shield

Narrator: and see how they stack up against the weapons of William Wallace:

War Hammer
Ball & Chain
Claymore
Targe & Dirk

Narrator: For our first test, the two teams will clash together as they bring out their close range weapons: Alexanders' Kopis against William's War Hammer.

Fred took the Kopis, and walked toward a replica of Wallace's armor. He twirled the sword in his hand, before giving the dummy a vicious slash. Not surprisingly, the Kopis failed to do any significant damage. But, when he stabbed the dummy with the point of his sword, he was rewarded with a spurt of blood as he pierced the heart. This proved that the Kopis was a viable threat to Wallace.

Next it was Bob's turn. Taking his War Hammer he stepped up to a bronze cuirass and swung for the fences. The Hammer formed a dent in the armor, but that wasn't enough for Bob. Turning the Hammer over in his palm, he struck the bronze with the pick end. The results weren't quite as spectacular, but it did make a small hole in the armor. The damage done, the team allowed the doctor to examine the wounds.

Dr. Dorian: This first wound not to serious. It definitely bruised the ribs, but this is not a killing blow. This second wound, while at first appearing to be deadly, didn't actually penetrate the skin all that deeply. The amor did its job and observed most of the blows. These two strikes definitely hurt, and perhaps enough of them in a similar area could potentially be lethal. But comparing that to the clear lethality of the Kopis it's obvious what the choice is. The close range edge goes to the Kopis.

Edge: Alexander The Great

Narrator:  Next comes the second test, our warriors take aim, with their long range weaponry: Wallace's Ball & Chain goes against Alexander's Gastraphetes.

Max: This one is easy. The ball & chain is not an effective weapon. The Gastraphetes has it in range, power, and accuracy. And as we already know, crossbows are strong enough to pierce chain mail. The long range edge goes to the Gastraphetes.

Edge: Alexander The Great

Narrator: For our third test, these two legendary warriors will engage in some mid range combat with: Alexander's Xyston and William's Claymore.

Geoff: This one is actually somewhat tougher. The Xyston certainly has it in range. But off of a horse, the weapon tends to be unwieldy. It could probably pierce the chain mail. The Claymore on the other hand, is easily William Wallace's most devastating weapon. It is easily powerful enough to destroy the Xyston if they came up against each other. Wallace is also a master of the Claymore, a weapon which doesn't act as unwieldily as the Xyston. I'm really on the fence here, but I think if it came down to it, I'd give the mid range edge to the Claymore.

Edge: William Wallace.

Narrator:  For our final test, our warriors bring out their very special weapons: William Wallace's Targe & Dirk, and Alexander The Great's Macedonian Shield.

Max: Yes, we have a new weapon!

Geoff: It's not really much of a weapon, more of a ---

Max: New Weapon!

Geoff: Fine, whatever……

Dr. Dorian: That's right the Macedonian shield; it has a diameter of 62 - 74 cm. It is made of a thin bronze or iron sheet. The inside side was wooden or multilayer leather construction with handle fixed on. Members of Alexander's personal guard would likely use the larger version, so we'll assume that's the one he would use as well.

The team put the shield on a bar, each waiting to take a shot at the shield to test the defense.

First Bob took the War Hammer and slammed it against the shield. Instantly a large dent formed in the shield, and the computers stated that the arm holding it would likely have broken.

Changing out the shields, they then threw a Ball & Chain at it. It also made a dent, but other then that, it did no significant damage.

Next, Bob took hold of the Claymore and charge the shield. Amazingly, the steel sword cut into the Bronze Shield.

Dr. Dorian: Well, it seems that the Bronze shield is not immune to Wallace's steel weapons. Both the Hammer and the Claymore are capable of causing major damage to Alex even when he is behind his Shield. Now, can Alex's weapons do the same?

Fred takes a look at the smaller Targe shield. Taking the Kopis sword, the swung at it. It struck the shield, cutting into it deeply.

Then, he fired with his Gastraphetes. The bolt flew across the range, burying itself in the wood. However, the bolt surprisingly did not penetrate all the way through.

As for the Xyston spear, the team found that when on foot, the spear couldn't pierce the shield. But on horse back, it easily smashed the wooden shield.

For the final test, the team decides to test out what will happen when the two shields charge one another. This will be used to decide if the spike on the Targe is capable of puncturing the bronze shield.

The shields are set up on special robots provided by Geoff. At the push of a button, the two charge each other full pelt, Shields in front of them. They come together in a great crash, and all is still. When the team pulls them apart, they see that, yes, the iron spike did puncture through the shield, though only if Wallace was running full speed.

Dr. Dorian: It's close, but I'm giving this one to Wallace's Targe and Dirk Combo. The two shields are relatively equal, but Wallace brings that extra something to the table with the steel spike and dagger.

Edge: William Wallace

Narrator: With all the testing complete, Max Geiger uploads the data gathered from the tests into the battle simulation, developed by Slitherine Studio, to simulate a battle to the death between these two warriors. To make sure that victory isn't snatched by a single lucky blow, the battle will be simulated 1000 times. Who will win in battle of leaders? Alexander The Great, who lead his army to create one of the largest empress in the world's history? Or William Wallace, who lead his army to rebel against one of the mightiest empires in the world?

Close Range Edge: Alexander's Kopis

Mid Range Edge: William's Claymore

Long Range Edge: Alexander's Gastraphetes

Special Weapon Edge: William's Targe & Dirk

It's time to find out which warrior is truly the deadliest. Max hits the button on the computer, and suddenly the screen goes "Matrix" on us.

This story takes place on a rolling hillside. Alexander the Great reaches the top of one of the hills on horseback, and gazes over the land. Across the field, he sees William Wallace emerge on the opposite side. The two warriors stare each other down, assessing the warrior before them.

Deciding to make the first move, Alexander a bolt from his Gastraphetes. The deadly arrow flies toward Wallace, who was able to see it coming, and thus easily sidestepped. Grunting in anger, Wallace charged at Alexander. All of this seemed vaguely familiar to the warrior king, even the part where his opponent dodged his second projectile.

Deciding to give up on fighting long range, Alex charged foreword with his Xyston at the ready. He saw Wallace grab an iron ball from his waist, but thought nothing of it. Just as he was about to skewer the large man, Wallace ducked, saving his life. Wallace frowned. On horseback, it would be difficult to defeat this opponent. He had to get him on the ground. Once there, Wallace was sure he could use his superior strength to win the day.

As his attacker passed him, Wallace began to spin, Ball & Chain in hand. Just as Alex turned his horse around, he caught sight of a large grey blur heading right at him. The Ball & Chain slammed into his bronze cuirass with enough force to knock him right off him horse. Landing hard, Alex fought to catch his breath. Seeing the rider was down, Wallace armed himself with his War Hammer and Targe, and charged the downed man.

Sitting up, Alexander unslings his Macedonian Shield, and readies his Xyston. As soon as he's done that, William is on him. Alex manages to keep the hammer-swinger at distance with his Xyston, but finds himself unable to land any decent hits. He thrusts his spear, tearing the side of William's shirt, but nothing else. Will finally manages to get close enough to launch a powerful swing, but Alex raises his shield at the last second to block, sending a responding bong sound across the land.

Alex hastily steps back, stabbing with his spear in a desperate attempt to kill his enemy. One comes close enough to force Wallace to raise his smaller Targe shield to defend. The spear point strikes hard, but it hadn't been thrust hard enough to break the shield. Before Alex could retract the Xyston, William smashed the Xyston off with his War Hammer, breaking it in half.

With no spear to keep him at bay Wallace attempts to smash Alex's head in. Luckily Alex raised his Macedonian shield at the last moment, saving his life. Even as William continues to pound at the shield with his hammer, Alex tries to stab him with remains of the Xyston to no effect. However, slamming his Macedonian Shield into him seems quiet effective, as it makes Wallace stumble back slightly, giving Alex some much needed room.

Jumping back, Alex quickly discards the broken spear in favor of his Kopis sword. When Wallace charges him again, the warrior king skillfully side steps and ends up behind Wallace in one smooth motion. He slices at Wallace's exposed back, the blade slicing against the chain-mail. Wallace turns around quickly, Hammer set to smash Alex's head in. But Alex leans back, and slices the hammer head clean off with his sword. Alex tires to press his advantage, only for his sword to be blocked by the Targe's spike. This block is followed by a wicked punch to the chin which sends Alex stumbling back. As he does, Wallace takes out his Dirk dagger.

He charges Alex, the spike on his Targe leading the way. Alex puts his Macedonian shield in front of him to defend, but this turns out to be a mistake. The two shields collide, but the steel spike, driven by the force of Wallace's charge, pierces the bronze shield. The spike drives itself through Alex's shield arm, causing him to cry out in agony. He tries to get a stab at Wallace, but the bigger man deflects with his Dirk. Wallace tries to stab him in the head, but Alex's helmet saves his life. A lean of the head causes only a scratch to the helmet. But it would only be the once, as the punch Wallace follows with knocks the helmet off. Alex finally get a break with he stabs at Wallace's leg with his Kopis. The blade pierces the big man's upper thigh, causing him to grunt in pain then hastily step back to avoid a lethal injury. Wallace tries to retaliate with the Dirk, but the longer Kopis knocks the dagger from Wallace's hands.

With no other choice, Wallace drops his shield, and uses both hands to take up his Claymore. He sliced down with the large blade, only for Alex to side step his attack easily. While one of his arms may  have been badly injured, his legs worked just fine. He lashed out with the Kopis, slicing a gash up William's arm.

Wallace grunted in annoyance, changing the direction of his blow in an attempt to slice his frustrating enemy in half. But Alex just stepped back, the tip of the Claymore tracing a thin scratch across the armor. Wallace stopped his blade's swing with effort, and tried to drive the point of his sword home with a stab, but Alex knocked his blade off course with his Kopis. He then counter attacked by stabbing at Wallace's head. Scotland's hero was only just able to duck and roll out of the way of the blade that the Warrior King had sought to put through his eye socket.

Alex turned to face his opponent, sneering down from where the man was still in a kneeling position. That was how it should be. Raising his Kopis high, he brought it down with all his might, Wallace just managing to bring his Claymore up in a guard position in the nick of time.

The two struggled for dominance, Wallace having greater strength, but Alex having the better position. The swords pushed both ways, first nearing Wallace, only for him to push back and bring the swords closer to Alex. But eventually, a major factor came into play: Alexander's injured arm. Wallace had two good arms to push his large blade, while Alex only had one good arm and one heavily injured arm to push his smaller blade. So while it was very slow, the balance of power was shifting in Wallace's direction.

With a great heave, Wallace stood to his full hight, knocking Alexander the Great's Kopis away from him. Before Alex could do anything, Wallace sliced his sword arm right off. A second swing of his massive blade took both his legs. Alexander the Great looks up at William Wallace, for the first time feeling true fear in his heart. Wallace feels no such thing, feeling only the rush of battle as he raised the Claymore high above his head. With a mighty war cry William Wallace brings the blade down like Death's scythe, splitting Alexander the Great's head in half like a melon.

Stepping back, Wallace reared his head back and roared in victory, reveling in the feeling he got from defeating such a worthy foe.

Winner: William Wallace

William Wallace: 609

Claymore: 313

Targe & Dirk: 233

War Hammer: 62

Ball & Chain: 1

Alexander the Great: 391

Xyston: 122

Kopis: 117

Macedonian Shield: 103

Gastraphetes: 49

Narrator: In this battle of two titanic leaders, it was William Wallace that triumphed over Alexander the Great.

Geoff: In all of our tests, we found that Alexander could only best Wallace when he could keep him at bay with his Xyston and Gastraphetes. His Xyston spear was especially effective at piercing Wallace's chain-mail armor, much like the Iklwa Shaka Zulu used. But unfortunately, all of his other weapons were only moderately effective, and none of them scored over two hundred kills. William Wallace simply had the better killing tools, due to him being from a more developed point in history.

We see Wallace walk back to camp limping slightly. Arriving there, he allows his army's medic to take a look at his leg, and bandaged it and the cut on his arm. When he gets back to his tent, he opens a chest, placing the Kopis of Alexander the Great inside next to Sun Tzu's Jian. This was the second time he had gone out hunting, only to find himself in a life or death battle. Something strange was going on here, and he was determined to find out what it was…

The End.

Jesse James Gang vs. SWAT

Disclaimer: I don't own Deadliest Warrior; but I wish I did.

Deadliest Warrior, Chapter 29: Jesse James Gang vs. SWAT

Narrator:
Jesse James Gang; the vicious outlaw whose bloody crime-sprees made him the most famous bank robber in America. On his last big robbery, a squad of Somali Pirates tried to interfere, and found themselves with a chest full of lead.
(We see Jesse James shoot a Somali Pirate in the chest with his Colt Revolver).

Narrator:
SWAT; The elite special forces of U.S law enforcement, who take on the country's  most dangerous police missions. On their last mission, the SWAT team neutralized a small sect of the KGB.
(We see the KGB leader getting sniped in the head).

                                                        WHO IS DEADLIEST?
To find out, our world class fighters are testing histories most lethal weapons. Using 21st century science, we'll see what happens when the two warriors go toe to toe. No rules. No safety. No mercy. It's a duel to the death, to decide who is....THE DEADLIEST WARRIOR!

Jesse James Gang:
Reign of Terror: 1866 - 1876
Members: 4 - 8
Crimes: Bank Robbery & Murder
Win(s): (1) Somali Pirates

SWAT:
Height - 5' 11
Weight - 190 LBS
Gear - 60 LBS
Armor - Kevlar Vest & Helmet
Win(s): (1) KGB

Narrator: Here at the fight club we test out four weapons used by gun slinging bank robbers: The Jesse James Gang

Bowie Knife
Winchester Rifle
Colt Revolver
Pistol Whip

Narrator: And see if they'll be enough to over come the weapons of the long arm of law; SWAT:

Baton & Riot Shield
LWRC-PSD
Remington 700
Taser

Narrator: For our first test, these two teams will test out their close range weapons: Jesse James' Bowie Knife, against the SWATs' Baton & Riot Shield.

Max: What, we're not using the Benelli this time?

Geoff: No, we thought the whole: Gun vs. Knife this was getting old, so we decided to use a more appropriate weapon.

Max: Do police even still use batons any more?

Geoff: Yeah. Probably.

Max: Probably?

Geoff: Well I know for a fact they use Riot Shields!

Dr. Dorian: Wait, I just Goggled it. Yes, SWAT does use batons.

Geoff: See!

Max: Fine, I think the edge should  go to the Bowie Knife. It's way deadlier then a baton

Geoff: Yeah, but would it get through the Riot Shield? The answer is no. And when it doesn't the SWAT will ram them with the shield, then beat their ass with that baton.

Max: But those weapons are meant to subdue people, not kill them!

Dr. Dorian: I hate to say it, but he's right. This is about lethality. Those weapons are not meant to kill people. They can, but not as easily as the Bowie Knife.

Max: And with two to one the close range edge goes to the Bowie Knife.

Edge: Jesse James Gang

Narrator: For the second test, the two bring out their mid range firearms: SWAT's LWRC-PSD and the James' Gang Winchester.

Dr. Dorian: This one is easy. The LWRC-PSD has a greater rate of fire then the Winchester. It has better stopping power and more speed.

Geoff: Agreed.

Max: Me Too.

Edge: SWAT

Narrator: Next, the two teams will bust out their long range weapons: Jess James Colt Revolver against the SWAT's Remington 700.

Max: I vote the sniper rifle on this one.

Geoff: Agreed, it has a greater distance and a higher ammo capacity.

Dr. Dorian: Even if the Revolver does shoot faster, it just doesn't measure up. Edge to the Remington.

Edge: SWAT

Narrator: For the final test, our teams bring out their their special weapons: SWAT's Taser and James' Pistol Whip.

Max: Are either of these really lethal weapons?

Dr. Dorian: Well… technically, the Pistol Whip can be lethal. At least more so then the Taser.

Geoff: True, but will the Pistol Whip affect the SWAT through his Helmet? I doubt it.

Max: Agreed. But the Taser isn't a lethal weapon, it's meant to stun an enemy.

Dr. Dorian: I guess in this case, it's a tie.

Edge: Tie.

Narrator: With all the testing complete, Max Geiger uploads the data gathered from the tests into the battle simulation, developed by Slitherine Studio, to simulate a battle to the death between these two warriors. To make sure that victory isn't snatched by a single lucky blow, the battle will be simulated 1000 times. Who will win in this battle of Cops and Robbers? Jesse James, the most famous bank robbing cowboy around? Or SWAT, who spend their lives trying to protect citizens from violent criminals like Jesse?

Close Range Edge: Jesse James Bowie Knife

Mid Range Edge: SWAT's LWRC-PSD

Long Range Edge: SWAT's Remington 700

Special Weapon Edge: Tie between Taser and Pistol Whip

It's time to find out which warrior is truly the deadliest. Max hits the button on the computer, and suddenly the screen goes "Matrix" on us.

The fight opens on a bank in crisis. Jesse James and his Gang have taken a bank full of people hostage. There are five of them, though only three are currently with the hostages. The other two are attempting to break into the bank vault.

Meanwhile, a SWAT team prepares for there mission to save the hostages and take down the Gang. One of the SWAT takes aim at one of the members left with the hostages with his Remington. Getting the signal from the squad leader, he fires at the man closest to the hostages. The bullet penetrates the glass, and strikers the cowboy in the head. At the same time the rest of the Team Burst through the door screaming for the remaining Gang members to drop their weapons and get on the ground. One member of the gang ran out of the room and hid behind a door as soon as they did, leaving only one living member left to face the fury of four armed SWAT members.

Jesse James Gang: 4
SWAT: 5

The cowboy raised his hands above his head, and slowly went to put his revolver on the ground. Just as he was about to put it on the ground, he cocked it and fired. He wasn't gonna allow himself to be taken captive, even if it cost him his life. His bullet struck one of the SWAT in the knee, making him cry out and fall to the ground. Before another shot could be fired, the thief found himself writhing on the ground in pain. A SWAT with a Riot Shield had fired a taser into his chest.

While the rest of the team moved forward to either apprehend the robber, or check on their injured comrade, the hidden cowboy made his move. Stepping out from his hiding spot, he took aim with his Winchester Rifle and fired. He hit the back of the neck of one of the SWAT, killing him instantly.

Seeing one of their comrades die caused the SWAT to take action. Leaving the injured SWAT, along with the one holding the Taser, the other SWAT went off in pursuit of the killer.

Jess James Gang: 4
SWAT: 4

In all the commotion, the Cowboy who'd been stunned got a chance to catch his breath. When the SWAT with a Riot Shield goes to cuff him, he lunges up and stabs him with a Bowie Knife. He is only hit in the arm, but it causes him to drop his Riot Shield. The SWAT tries to hit him with his Baton, but the crook rolls out of the way. The wounded SWAT wants to help, but if he opens fire, he risks hitting the hostages or his partner.

Getting to his feet, the cowboys shows that he has picked up the Revolver he lost after he was stunned. Aiming, he opens fire, making the Baton SWAT duck. A gasp is heard, and the cowboy smirks. The Baton SWAT turns his head and sees that when he ducked, the bullet struck the wounded SWAT in the throat. The man clutches his wound, but it's hopeless. He collapses in a heap, dead.

JJG: 4
SWAT: 3

The Cowboy turns the gun on the last remaining SWAT. There's nowhere to run, and it looks like this is the end.

Just before the shot is fired though, a different trigger is pulled. The robber's head jerks back, before he falls lifeless to the floor. Turning around, the SWAT sees that the SWAT with the Remington had saved him.

With all the hostages currently secure, and the room they were in free of the James Gang, the two SWAT usher the frightened civilians to safety. When the last one has left, they prepare to follow their comrades. The sniper exchanges his Remington for a LWRC-PSD, while the the Riot Shielder takes another LWRC-PSD, choosing to holster his Taser and Baton.

All ready, they head deeper into the bank.

JJG: 3
SWAT: 3

One of Jesse's gang patrols the halls not far from the vault. Hearing footsteps approaching, he takes action. Not knowing if it was friend or foe, he ducks behind the corner, to wait. Earlier, another member had run past him, claiming the SWAT were coming, and that he'd killed one of them. The man had lost him in the maze of hallways, but he'd soon arrive. That man had gone further to help Jesse, while he had stayed here to keep watch.

The SWAT who had followed the bank robber rounded the corner. When he did, the gang member standing there stabbed his gun hand, making it drop to the floor. When the man grunted in pain, the robber took out his pistol and struck the SWAT in the back of the head. Unfortunately, it did little damage, thanks to the SWATs' helmet.

Having had enough time to recover slightly, the SWAT elbowed the robber in the stomach, making him gasp. Then, he uppercut the man, sending him stumbling backwards. Shaking it off, the robber pulled a Bowie Knife from his belt and tackled the SWAT. They rolled on the ground, the cop trying to take the knife from the criminal.

While the robber tried to get in some stabs, most didn't do much thanks to the SWAT's body armor. Finally though, he managed to free his arm from the SWAT's grasp, and in one quick motion, slit the man's throat.

Getting up, the robber pulled the man's body out of sight, and set up in case another SWAT came his way.

JJG: 3
SWAT: 2

And at that moment, two did. As the first walked around the corner, the gang member pounced on his back, Knife raised. He stabbed, but SWAT body armor saved him from a fatal injury.

The SWAT, now with a painful stab wound, slams his back, and thus the cowboy, into the wall. The man gasps, and let's go, falling to the floor. He gets to his feet quickly though, and prepares to make another charge.

He barely takes two steps before the second SWAT unloads a few rounds from his LWRC into the man's torso. Turning to make sure his comrade is okay, the two continue deeper into the bank.

JJG: 2
SWAT: 2

Jesse James and his brother are now the only two left in the gang. Having heard the gunfire not far away, they start packing up what they can as they get ready to bolt. The brother watches the door while Jesse scoops up as much money as the two of them can carry.

A SWAT appears in the door, gun raised and a warning on his lips. Before he can order the two criminals to drop there weapons, the brother fires his Winchester. It strikes the SWAT in the shoulder, sending him spinning away.

Right behind him came a second SWAT, holding a LWRC and a Riot Shield.As he charged into the room, a quick pull of the trigger was all it took for the brother to get pumped full of lead. He went to fire on Jesse, but the head of the gang already had his Colt drawn, and shot the LWRC out of the SWAT's hands. Before he could get off a second shot, the SWAT hurled his Riot Shield across the short distance between them, knocking Jesse over, and the gun out of his hand.

Groaning on the ground Jesse pulled out a Bowie Knife even as the SWAT was on him with a Baton. The two struggled with each other, dealing superficial wounds. The Baton struck Jesse in the ribs, while the Bowie Knife stabbed the SWAT in the lower leg.

Finally, the SWAT head-butted Jesse, making him fall back slightly. Then, as Jesse raised his knife, the SWAT slammed his Baton into the side of Jesse's head, breaking his jaw. He then slammed it on top of the crook's skull, sending Jesse to his knees. Finally, with his empty hand, the SWAT grabbed the hand Taser at his hip, and slammed into Jesse James' chin, sending powerful volt through his skull. Jesse cried out in anguish, before his eyes rolled back in his head, and the famous criminal fell to the floor unconscious.

The SWAT looked at the downed man, and heaved a sigh of relief. Hearing groaning behind him, he turned to see that the other SWAT was still alive. The man had taken a nasty hit to the shoulder, but he would live. Cuffing the unconscious Jesse, the two made their way back to the front of the building.

Winner: SWAT

SWAT: 587

LWRC-PSD: 307

Remington: 250

Baton & Riot Shield: 30

Taser: 0

Jesse James Gang: 413

Winchester Rifle: 196

Colt Revolver: 173

Bowie Knife: 44

Pistol Whip: 0

Narrator: In this fantastic battle of cops and robbers, it was justice that prevailed in the SWAT team. There victory was largely due to there LWRC which scored over 300 kills in the simulation.

Geoff: I'm not surprised the SWAT won. They have superior weapons and superior armor. While the James gang may have had impressive draw speed on their side, it wasn't enough to overcome the gap in technology.

We see the remaining SWAT getting treated by some medics outside the Bank. Meanwhile, Jesse James is loaded up into a police van, where he will be taken away. The infamous criminal's career is now over.

The End.

French Musketeer vs. Apache

Disclaimer: I don't own Deadliest Warrior; but I wish I did.

Deadliest Warrior, Chapter 28: French Musketeer vs. Apache

Narrator:
French Musketeer, the king's ruthless personal guard, and fierce defenders of France's borders. Last time, the Musketeers took out a squad of Spartans.
(We see a French Musketeer firing his Pistol into a Spartan's face).

Narrator:
Apache,  the fierce, scalp-taking master of death. Last time, the Apache fought and killed a fierce Zande Warrior.
(We see an Apache smash the Zande Warrior's head in with his club).

                                                   WHO IS DEADLIEST?
To find out, our world class fighters are testing histories most lethal weapons. Using 21st century science, we'll see what happens when the two warriors go toe to toe. No rules. No safety. No mercy. It's a duel to the death, to decide who is....THE DEADLIEST WARRIOR!

French Musketeer
Height: 5' 9"
Weight: 160 LBS
Armor: Steel Cuirass
Win(s): (1) Spartans

Apache:
Height: 5' 7"
Weight: 140 LBS
Armor: None
Win(s): (1) Zande Warrior

Narrator:  Here in the Fight Club, we take four weapons used by the French King's guards; The Musketeers:

Rapier
Main Gauche
Wheel Lock Pistol
Flintlock Musket
Grenade

Narrator: And have them face off against the weapons used by the scalp-taking Native Americans; The Apaches

Tomahawk
Knife
Bow & Arrow
Northwest Trade Gun
War Club

Narrative: For our first test, our warriors will be bringing out their mid range weapons: The Musketeers Rapier against the Apache's Tomahawk.

Max: Alright, this first one is easy. The Rapier has better reach then the Tomahawk. Despite the fact that the Tomahawk can be thrown, it cannot get past the Steel Cuirass. This, combined with the fact that the Apache no significant armor to speak of which could deter the Rapier, means that the Rapier sword takes the first edge.

Edge: Musketeer

Narrative: For the second test, our warriors lock blades as they dish out damage with their short range weapons: The Apache Knife going up against the Musketeer's Main Gauche.

Geoff: The Main Gauche is meant to be used in combination with the Rapier. While it can be used by itself, it's usefulness lessens somewhat. Unlike the Apache's Knife, the Main Gauche cannot be thrown. As we've seen, the Apache's possess amazing accuracy, and would have no trouble throwing the Knives at the Musketeer's exposed vitals. For versatility as well as functionality, the Short Range edge goes to the Knife.

Edge: Apache

Narrative: Now the third test, where our two warriors bring out their secondary long range weaponry: The Musketeer's Wheel Lock Pistol and the Apache's Bow & Arrow.

Geoff: Alright, I think for this, we need to think about some very important aspects of the weapons: Distance, Power, Accuracy, and Reliability.

Max: Alright, well I think that if we go by reliability, then the Bow wins hands down. That Wheel Lock Pistol is seriously prone to misfire. But the Bow & Arrow are just that, bows and arrows. They can't misfire.

Dr. Dorian: I agree, but if we go by power, then the outcome is somewhat different. When the Pistol does fire, it'll go right through the Apache. The Apache has no armor to even slow the bullets down, while the arrows would never pierce the Steel Cuirass the Musketeers wear. The only option would be to aim for the exposed body parts, which limits the area for effective kills.

Geoff: That just leaves distance and accuracy.

Max: Well, the Apache's were crack shots when it came to firing arrows.

Dr. Dorian: Yes, but Musketeers were just as well trained in firearms. So they're pretty equal.

Max: Pretty equal is not the same as equal, The Apache's were on the same level as the Samurai, and those guys could take out your eyes. I think that the Pistol works best if you're aiming at a general area, not one specific area.

Dr. Dorian: But do the Musketeers really need to aim at a specific area? Their targets are unarmored.

Max: True, but in terms of accuracy alone, the Apache's are more accurate.

Dr. Dorian: Fine, but what about distance?

Max: I'd say about the same.

Dr. Dorian: Yeah, me too.

Geoff: Well, then the edge goes to the Bow & Arrow, for both its accuracy and reliability.

Edge: Apache

Narrative: For the fourth test, these two groups get serious, and bring out their heavy duty long rang weapons, and introduce a new weapon to the DW arsenal with: The Apache's Northwest Trade Gun. And it will be going against the Musketeer's Flintlock Musket.

Geoff: Before we test, a little history: When the first American explorers came to this great land, they brought with them hundreds of these musket style guns. And either by thievery, or in some parts of the old colonies, trade, the guns made their way into the hands of the various Native American tribes. And boy did they learn how to use 'em. After a while, the indians were as good at shooting these as they were at shooting arrows.

Dr. Dorian: Alright, but will it prove to be as deadly as the other musket?

Bob loaded the Trade Gun with the musket ball, and took aim at the target. With a simple pull of the trigger the tiny ball of metal flew from the barrel and lodged itself in the throat of the unfortunate get dummy.

Dr. Dorian: Well, that settles it, it is lethal. But somehow I doubt it will work as well against the Musketeer's armor.

Max: Yeah, but the weapons are so similar in make and model, that it would really come down to the individual, and both of these warriors are well trained in the use of these weapons.

Geoff: Well, then I guess we have a tie.

Edge: Even

Narrative: Now comes the final test, where the two warriors will bring out their special weapons: the Musketeer's Grenade and the Apache's War Club.

Geoff: Grenade

Dr. Dorian: Grenade

Max: Grenade

Edge: Musketeer

Narrator: With all the testing complete, Max Geiger uploads the data gathered from the tests into the battle simulation, developed by Slitherine Studio, to simulate a battle to the death between these two warriors. To make sure that victory isn't snatched by a single lucky blow, the battle will be simulated 1000 times. Who will win in this battle of radically different cultures? The French Musketeers, the lethal servants of the French King? Or the Apaches, one of the deadliest and most feared tribes in America?

Mid Range Edge: Musketeer Rapier

Close Range Edge: Apache Knife

Secondary Firearm Edge: Apache Bow & Arrow

Primary Firearm Edge: Tie between Musket and Trade Gun

Special Weapon Edge: Musketeer Grenade

It's time to find out which warrior is truly the deadliest. Max hits the button on the computer, and suddenly the screen goes "Matrix" on us.

This fight takes place on the American Plaines. Five French Musketeers scour the area, looking for any natives. At the same time, five Apache's make there way towards the newest settlement. They plan to kill the settlers, in an attempt to drive the white man away from there land. There only real obstacle? The Musketeers.

Spotting the five frenchman tromping through the woods, the Apache's spread out and prepare to attack. One of the Apache's readies his Trade Gun. He's become a crack shot with it, and aims for the Musketeer trailing behind the others. Getting a nod from the leader of this expedition, the Apache fires, the bullet hitting the Musketeer in the head, killing him. But the noise of the gun alerts the other men, who ready themselves to defend from this ambush.

Musketeer: 4
Apache: 5

The head Musketeer spins around when the first shot is fired. Quickly he orders his men into a defensive position. An arrow flies from the woods, striking him in the chest. Had he not been wearing his steel armor, he'd be dead. He draws his pistol and fires back, but can't tell if he hits anything. He learns he didn't when a second arrow knocks off his hat. He and his men try to make there way back down the path they'd traveled down, but the savages were making it difficult. They had a bit of luck though, when one of his men threw a Grenade towards the place where the arrows had been coming from. The blast yielded the burnt body of an Apache, as well as setting a small blaze that was rapidly growing. With the woods starting to burn, the Apache's were forced to go for a more direct confrontation.

Musketeer: 4
Apache: 4

A Musketeer saw an Apache run past, and fired at him with his Pistol. The bullet struck the man in the shoulder, causing him to drop to the ground in pain. He also did this to grab some Knives hidden in his boots, which he promptly hurled at the Musketeer. One bounced off the the frenchman's chest plate, but the other struck him in the arm, making him drop the pistol.

As the Musketeer pulled the knife from his arm, he went to draw another Pistol, just as the Apache stood, taking another Knife from his belt. The Apache threw the Knife just as the Musketeer pulled the trigger. The last sound to reach the Musketeer's ears was the sound of his Pistol clicking as it misfired.

The wounded Apache watched satisfied as the Musketeer dropped dead with a Knife in his brain. Turning, he made his way off to find someplace to tend to his wound.

Musketeer: 3
Apache: 4

A Musketeer ran blindly through the foliage, when suddenly and Apache leapt from the brambles, Tomahawks in both hands. The Musketeer just managed to raise his Rapier to block a blow that would have split his head wide open. Pushing back with greater strength, he separated from the Apache, and began thrusting his Rapier in an attempt to pierce the Apache's heart.

The Apache ducked and weaved around the blows, occasionally returning fire with his Tomahawks. Soon, both warriors were covered superficial wounds. The Apache tried for an overhead strike with one of his axes, only for the Rapier to block him. This was what the Apache was hoping for however, and with a deft swing, he used his other Tomahawk to cut off the Musketeer's sword arm.

The Musketeer screamed in pain, even as his other hand flew to his belt. Grabbing the hilt of his dagger, he unsheathed it in one quick movement. The Apache had his Tomahawk prepared to decapitated his enemy, but was stopped short. The Musketeer had jabbed the Gauche dagger right up through the Apache's chin, and deep into his brain.

Musketeer: 3
Apache: 3

As the Apache dropped, the Musketeer clutched his wound, and knew if he didn't hurry he would soon bleed out. Casting a quick look around, he tried to make his way toward camp.

From the shadows, a pair of eyes looked on with anger. He had arrived just in time to see one of his fellow warriors get killed by this invader.

When the man's back was turned, he leapt from the shadows, War Club at the ready. The man had no time to turn around before the Club struck him across the back of the head. He fell to his knees, bleeding profusely from his wounds both old and new. A second strike shattered the man's skull, sending him into unending darkness.

Musketeer: 2
Apache: 3

A Musketeer checked his Musket as he tried to sneak through the foliage. At his belt were three Pistols, and his sword, though his dagger had been lost during the initial skirmish. Hearing rustling in the nearby brush, he readied his Musket.

The Apache with a bullet in his shoulder had managed to find a hidden cache of arrows, and was now trying to meet up with his brothers. Bursting through some of the bushes, he saw a startled Musketeer that was about to shoot. The Apaches' eyes widened, before turning and running the opposite direction. A last second turn allowed him to live, as a bullet from a Pistol slammed into the tree.

The Apache readied an arrow and leaned out from behind his cover to fire a shot off. The arrow missed the Musketeer, who tried to return fire. Unfortunately, his Pistol suffered a misfire and, with no time to reload it, he tossed it to the ground.

Hearing his adversaries grunt of frustration, the Apache began to stealthily make his way toward the Frenchman. A snap of a branch drew his prey's attention, causing the nervous man to fire off his last Pistol at the noise. The Apache did his best to suppress a groan of pain as the bullet bit into his left thigh.

It must not have been enough though, as the Musketeer raised his last gun, the Musket. He started walking toward the source of the noise cautiously. Suddenly, an arrow flew out and hit him right in the breastplate. A second arrow hit him in the ankle, while a third flew past his neck. Finally, the Musketeer returned fire, shooting at where he presumed his enemy to be; based on the position of the last arrow.

All was quite. Slowly, the Musketeer bushed aside the brush and looked for his foe. There he found what he sought. The Apache was unable to move out of the way in time after firing his last arrow. He paid for that, with a bullet to the lung, which had nicked the heart. Rather good for a mostly blind shot, but it had done the trick.

Musketeer: 2
Apache: 2

An Apache and Musketeer were locked in mortal combat. The Musketeer had his Rapier and Main Gauche drawn, while the Apache had two Knives. While the Musketeer had the longer weapons, the Apache was much to fast for the Musketeer.

The Musketeer's Rapier leaves a deep scratch across the Apaches' chest, causing him to leap back. The Musketeer follows up with a stab to the chest, only for the native to sidestep, leaving the frenchman off balance. Before he can regain his footing, the Apache kicks the Musketeer in the leg, cracking the bone, and causing him to stumble foreword. From there, a flick of the wrist is all it takes for the Apache to fling a Knife into his enemies jugular vein. The man gasps, but there is nothing he can do. His eyes roll back in his head, as he collapses dead.

The Apache smirks, reveling in his victory. Then something hard strikes him in the back of the head, causing him to turn around. Seeing nothing, he looks down. His eyes widen and then----

He is too late to move as the Grenade at his feet detonates, sending him flying back, his legs no longer attached. He hits his head on landing, sending him into blissful unconsciousness. He will not be waking up.

Musketeer: 1
Apache: 1

The Musketeer stepped out from behind a tree, and approached the remains of his comrade. He didn't want to use the finicky pistols if he didn't have to, as there malfunction had proven to be the death of several of his comrades. Now all he had were his blades, and two of the guns.

Suddenly an arrow buried itself in his shoulder, causing him to cry out in surprise. Turning swiftly, he saw the last Apache firing another arrow, which he only just dodged. The Apache was determined not to let him rest, and fired as many and as fast as he could. Two arrows found there home in his shoulder before he was able to return fire. He prayed his gun would work, and by god, it did! It didn't do much good though, as it only impacted the tree next to the Apache's head. Thankfully though, the Apache had run out of arrows. Instead, he took out a Tomahawk, and charged, intent on finishing the weakened man off.

He swung the axe down, his foe's Rapier rising to defend himself. They step back and duel back and forth, steel blade clashing with axehead. Suddenly, the Musketeer reaches for his Main Gauche with his other hand, and stabs at the Apache. The Apache steps out of the way at the last second though, getting a scratch on his side as he does. The Apache moves behind the Musketeer, taking out a second Tomahawk and slashing at his back. The Musketeer stepped foreword, wincing in pain, even as he turned around.

The duel continued, now even more frenzied with the addition of an additional axe and dagger respectively. Suddenly, the Apache caught the Main Gauche with his Tomahawk, and twisted, sending the dagger spinning away from the fighters. In retaliation, the Musketeer used his Rapier to slice the axe head off one of the Apache's Tomahawks.

The two stepped back, before charging each other once again, locking blades, each trying to over power the other. Then, while still pressing down on each other, they went for there belts with their free hand. The Apache was a second faster, and grabbed his Knife, which he used to stab the Musketeer just under the armor. The Musketeer cried in pain, and the Apache moved to stab him again. But the Musketeer's hand had found his last Pistol, and he had raised it to meet the Apache's eye in the time it took the Apache to stab him. Praying to God that this would work, he pulled the trigger, just as the Apache sent the Knife for his throat.

With a click and a Kaboom, the Apache knew no more. Slowly, his Knife, which had been a moment away from piercing the Musketeer's neck, fell backwards with the rest of his body to meet the cold earth. The Apache was dead, and the Musketeer remained.

The Frenchman took a deep shuddering sigh, shaken by his brush with death. When it had passed, he reared back his head and roared; both for his victory, and for his fallen comrades.

Winner: French Musketeer

French Musketeer: 573

Flintlock Musket: 204

Rapier: 139

Grenade: 90

Main Gauche: 80

Wheel Lock Pistol: 60

Apache: 427

Northeast Trade Gun: 181

Bow & Arrow: 100

Knife: 90

Tomahawk: 50

War Club: 6

Narrator: In this battle of two different warrior types and fighting styles, it was the Musketeer's who won the day.

Max: It's easy to see why the Musketeer's won this fight. While the Apache's did have access to guns, the Musketeer's simply had more and better firepower. Still, despite that, the Apache's managed to better then I expected with their non black powder weapons. But that alone wasn't enough. The Musketeer's had the better weapons, and they also had the better armor. The Apache's weapons couldn't do as much damage to the Musketeer's as the they could to them. Their hit and run tactics did often take the Musketeers by surprise, but it could only last them so long.

We see the last Musketeer back at camp, getting his wounds stitched up. In his hand is the Knife that almost took his life. He will never forget this day, and he will never forget that Apache. He planned to train hard from that day foreword, so that the next time he lead a team, their fate would not be like his last.

The End.

Vlad The Impaler vs. Samurai

Disclaimer: I don't own Deadliest Warrior; but I wish I did.

Deadliest Warrior, Chapter 27: Vlad The Impaler vs. Samurai

                    Redemption Match!

Narrator:
Vlad The Impaler; the medieval Romanian Prince whose insatiable thirst for blood inspired the legend of Dracula. Last time, the prince impaled Attila the Hun, and began a quest to expand his collection.
(We see Vlad ordering the impalement of Attila).

Narrator:
The Samurai; Japanese lightning fast dealers of death. Last time around, the Samurai failed to stop a thieving pirate, and paid for that failure, with death.
(We see the Samurai blown back by the Pirate's Grenado).

                                                     WHO IS DEADLIEST?
To find out, our world class fighters are testing histories most lethal weapons. Using 21st century science, we'll see what happens when the two warriors go toe to toe. No rules. No safety. No mercy. It's a duel to the death, to decide who is....THE DEADLIEST WARRIOR!

Vlad The Impaler
Height: 5' 9"
Weight: 170 LBS
Armor: Chain Mail, Steel Plates, Shield, Steel Helmet
Loyalty: Wallachia
Win(s): (1) Attila The Hun

Samurai
Height: 5' 3"
Weight: 135 LBS
Armor: Steel & Leather
Loyalty: Daimyo
Lost: (1) Pirate

Narrator: Here at the Fight Club, we take four weapons used by the Prince Of Darkness, Vlad The  Impaler:

Kilij
Halberd
Steel Crossbow
Hand Cannon

Narrator: and pit them against the weapons used by Feudal Japan's greatest warrior: The Samurai

Katana
Naginata
Yumi
Kanabo

Narrator: For the first test, our two warriors will bring out their deadly blades for some close range combat: Vlad's Kilij and the Samurai's Katana.

Max: I like the Kilij for this. It's longer, and with his superior armor, Vlad clearly has the edge here.

Geoff: I disagree. I believe that the Katana easily outclasses the Kilij. Plus, the Samurai seems to be able to uses his weapon better.

Dr. Dorian: Well, I guess I break the tie. By comparing them, the armor each possesses are relatively equal, with Vlad's being only slightly better. That being said, I think that because of it's longer blade, I would give the edge to the Kilij.

Edge: Vlad The Impaler

Narrator: Now comes the second test, in which our warriors fire some shots off with their long range weapons: The Samurai Yumi, and Vlad's Steel Crossbow.

Dr. Dorian: No contest here, for skill, range, and accuracy, the Yumi is obviously the superior weapon.

Geoff: That's right. The Crossbow has power, but it lacks accuracy and it takes forever to reload.

Edge: Samurai

Narrator: Next come the third test, and things get bloody when our two teams show off their mid range weapons: The Impaler's Halberd against the Samurai's Naginata.

Max: Well, the Naginata is a lighter weapon, and can probably be used quicker.

Dr. Dorian: But how much good will it really do?

Geoff: I like the Halberd for this one. It has multiple uses, and the heaviness of the weapon will easily affect him through even his armor.

Max: Yeah, if he can hit with that massive thing.

Dr. Dorian: True, but I think the odds are in his favor. I give the mid range edge to the Halberd.

Edge: Vlad The Impaler

Narrator: And now comes the final test; the special weapons: The Samurai's Kanabo and Vlad The Impaler's Hand Cannon.

Max: That hand cannon is about as powerful as the pirates flintlock pistols,  I think. And as we saw, they weren't particularly effective against the Samurai's plate armor.

Geoff: True, on the other hand, while I have no doubts about the Kanabo being able to put Vlad down, it's  a very unwieldy weapon.

Dr. Dorian: Looking at the pros and cons of both theses weapons, I have to pick the one I know will work, even if it is slow. The special edge goes to the Kanabo.

Edge: Samurai

Narrator: With all the testing complete, Max Geiger uploads the data gathered from the tests into the battle simulation, developed by Slitherine Studio, to simulate a battle to the death between these two warriors. To make sure that victory isn't snatched by a single lucky blow, the battle will be simulated 1000 times. Who will win in battle of opposites? The deadly Impaler, who only fights to satisfy his terrible bloodlust? Or the honorable Samurai, who fights according to the will of Bushido?

Close Range Edge: Vlad's Kilij

Mid Range Edge: Vlad's Halberd

Long Range Edge: Samurai's Yumi

Special Weapon Edge: Samurai's Kanabo

It's time to find out which warrior is truly the deadliest. Max hits the button on the computer, and suddenly the screen goes "Matrix" on us.

This fight takes place in a poor Japanese village. A samurai makes his way to the village on horse back. There had been disturbing news of a murder in the area, and he wanted to make sure everything was secure.

But when he reached the city, he was treated to a horrible sight: The gate guards stared vacantly into space, dead and impaled at their posts. The gates were wide open, and the Samurai could tell from there that a massacre had taken place. This was not a warrior village, so few people in the town would be capable of repelling an assault. The streets were littered with dead bodies, most of them villagers. A few of the bodies appeared to be the enemy, if their strange armor was any indication. Gripping his Katana tight, the Samurai knew he had to make a judgement call. He could stay and fight to avenge these people, or go back and call for aid.

Vlad the Impaler staked the streets, surprisingly bored all things considered. The people in this town were nothing. Not one of them had been able to challenge his men, let alone him. Turning the corner though, something caught the mad man's eye. It was a Samurai, decked out in full armor, surveying Vlad's handy work. Vlad grinned. Here was someone who would surely give him a good fight.

The Samurai quickly left the city. He knew that any force that could slaughter a village would not be stopped by one man. As he approached his horse though, he started to get an ominous feeling. Just as he prepared to mount, a shot rang out, and the horse fell over, dead. The Samurai whirled around, snatching his Yumi from his now dead steed's side, and faced his attacker.

Vlad grinned, proud of his shot. He had worried that the Samurai was going to get away, so he had taken action. He aimed his Hand Cannon at the Samurai, who was pointing a bow at him. Now that he had nowhere to go, the fight would have to begin.

The Samurai wasted no time and fired an arrow at his opponent's arm, hitting him just below the shoulder. Vlad grunted as he dropped his gun, before ducking for cover. Using his other hand, he pulled out the arrow. Seeing his blood flow gave Vlad a rush, and he couldn't wait for the battle to continue. Strapping his Halberd to his back, he picked up his shield and Kilij. Taking a deep breath, Vlad left his coverage and charged the Samurai.

When Vlad had ducked behind the city wall to avoid his arrows, the Samurai knew he had to act quickly. He pulled all the weapons he could off his dead horse, while trying to keep up his guard. When Vlad charged, he was ready. He unleashed as many arrows as he could fire, but Vlad's large shield blocked most of them. One of the last did hit Vlad in his right leg though, which slowed him down somewhat. But when Vlad got to close, the Samurai was forced to drop the Yumi in favor of his Katana. He swung upwards even as he unsheathed it, the blade meeting Vlad's slightly larger Kilij with a resounding crash of steel on steel.

Vlad pushed him back, his extra hight giving him a slight strength advantage. He swung his blade in an attempt to behead the Samurai, but his blow was deflected skillfully. The next slash grazed harmlessly off the Samurai's armor. The Samurai in turn found his attempts at killing the Prince foiled by his large shield.

Locking blades again, Vlad suddenly lashed out with a kick which sent the Samurai falling backwards. Vlad sprung foreword, his blade eager for blood. Luckily for the Samurai, he managed to roll out of the way just in time. Coming up in a crouch, he spotted his Naginata right next to him. Knowing he would need to change his strategy, the Samurai quickly sheathed his sword. As Vlad charged at him, the Samurai grabbed the Naginata and stabbed foreword. This punctured the shield slightly and pushed Vlad back.

Vlad used his sword to block a stab from the Naginata, but that was what the Samurai was hoping for. Twirling the Naginata, he sent the Kilij spinning from Vlad's grasp, leaving him open for a stab from the blade. It was only the steel plates on his armor that saved him. Quickly stepping back, the Impaler was forced on the defensive as the Samurai rained blows down on his shield. Needing more room, Vlad jumped back and reached for his belt. It was here that he had tied his Steel Crossbow before the charge. He preferred his Hand Cannon, but this would do in a pinch.

Justing needing a distraction, Vlad pointed and fired with no real concern for accuracy. Therefore, both he and the Samurai were surprised when the bolt struck the Samurai right in the kneecap. The Samurai cried out in pain, giving Vlad the chance he needed. Deciding to forego all defense in exchange for an unstoppable offense, Vlad threw down his shield and picked up his Halberd.

Charging, the Samurai was just able to raise his Naginata in time to block the attack. The two weapons clashed, the tired combatants battling for dominance. Vlad went for an overhead slice, only for the Samurai to side step it. The Samurai tried to stab Vlad between his steel plates, but Vlad blocked with the body of Halberd. He then lashed out, the spike on top of the Halberd hitting dead center in the Samurai's armor, sending him stumbling back.

The Samurai grunted in pain, but used his distance to perform a wide sweep with the intent of separating Vlad's head from his shoulders. It didn't work, though Vlad did lose his helmet in the process. Vlad brought the Halberd up, and the Samurai just moved out of the way. He stabbed at Vlad's head with his Naginata, and Vlad was almost to slow to dodge. He survived, but the blade sliced off part of his ear!

The sting of his injury and the flowing of his blood spurred the madness in Vlad. Giving a fearsome battle cry he raised his Halberd high, and brought it down with all the force he could muster. The Samurai raised his weapon, but the Halberd struck the pole, breaking the weapon in two.

Vlad tried to press his advantage by thrusting foreword, but the Samurai sidestepped the attack, and punched Vlad right in the face, breaking his nose. Vlad growled and responded with a kick to the stomach, knocking the Samurai to the ground.

The Samurai landed with a thud, his hand falling on something. Looking at it, he saw it was his Kanabo! Seeing Vlad charging at him, the Samurai said a silent thank you. Vlad brought his Halberd down, only for it to stop dead when it struck the sturdy Kanabo. Vlad backed up as the Samurai stood, hauling the heavy club up with him.

Vlad tried to attack again, but every move was blocked by the Kanabo. The Samurai would try to crush Vlad, but he couldn't move fast enough now.

The two brought there weapons together in a great crash, the Kanabo slamming into the Halberd so hard Vlad actually feared for a moment that it might break. It didn't but the blow was so strong Vlad's arm went numb. The Samurai fared somewhat better, and with a great heave, knocked the Halberd away from Vlad. Then, flowing with the movement, he swept the prince's feet out from under him. Vlad landed rather painfully on his back, the wind knocked out of him. Looking up, his eyes widened as the Kanabo was about to smash his head like a melon. At the last minute though, he rolled out of the way and back to his feet. Since he was without a weapon, Vlad made a mad dash to where his Halberd had landed; the Samurai not far behind.

Vlad managed to grab his Halberd just in time. Turning around, he was forced to dodge an attack from the Samurai. But he wasn't quite fast enough, as the Kanabo just clipped his shoulder, nearly dislocating, and sending Vlad off balance. The Samurai grabs this chance and stabs the Kanabo foreword into Vlad's gut, causing him to double over in pain, as well as knocking him to the ground.

Vlad keeps ahold of his Halberd though. As the Samurai raises his club up for a finishing move, Vlad slams the Halberd's blade into the side of the Samurai's leg. The Samurai cries out, unable to complete his attack, allowing Vlad time to get back to his feet. Taking a step foreword, Vlad strikes the Samurai in the side with the staff of the Halberd, knocking him onto the ground face first.

The Samurai tries to stand, only for a blinding pain to enter his back. Twisting his neck as much as he can, his eyes widen in horror. Vlad has driven the spike at the top of his Halberd into the base of the Samurai's spine! The Samurai tries desperately to move, but it is too late. He has lost all feeling in his legs.

Vlad grins madly, his victory all but assured. With a shrill whistle, he calls out his army which had been waiting away from the warriors battle ground. Vlad had ordered them not to interfere, and the men were to scared of him to disobey. They came and did as he ordered.

The Samurai looked on as his Kanabo was taken away, and a group of men lifted him up. Slowly, he was carried back toward the dead village. Where the army had set up camp, Vlad saw more of the impaling spikes Vlad was known for. But one spike was currently occupied, and in much better shape. The Samurai didn't know it, but he was looking at the body of the late Attila the Hun. The spikes here were only meant for those who caught Vlad's interest, and managed to put up enough of a fight.

Of course, the Samurai didn't know all this. All he knew was that he was being restrained, while more men brought forth an empty stake. He tried to struggle, but without his legs or any weapons, what was to come was… inevitable.

---

When Vlad was done being treated for his injuries, he got up and surveyed his newest acquisition. The Samurai now hung across from his last decent opponent, a look of horror frozen on his face. Vlad's laughter filled the camp. Whatever force had driven him here had his thanks. Once more a new wonderful opponent had been delivered to him. And once more, he had come out of the battle, the victor.

Winner: Vlad The Impaler

Vlad The Impaler: 565

Kilij: 315

Halberd: 190

Hand Cannon: 50

Steel Crossbow: 10

Samurai: 435

Naginata: 150

Katana: 115

Yumi: 90

Kanabo: 80

Narrator: In this battle of two very different warriors, it was Vlad who once again snatched up a win. The Samurai tried his best, but even with his best weapon, the Naginata, he could not redeem himself.

Geoff: I'm not too surprised Vlad managed to pull this one. Despite the fact that his weapons lack grace, they more then make up for it in sheer power. While the Samurai easily dominated in the long range category, once things got up close and personal, Vlad's strength was enough to bag him a win. Even though both warriors were wearing decent armor, I think Vlad's was more helpful. As we've seen, chain mail is very resistant to slashing type weapons. The most surprising thing here is that the one black powder weapon actually got one of the lowest kill scores. I can only attribute that to the Hand Cannon's low reload speed, and less then perfect aiming system. Either way, both these combatants put up one heck of a fight.

We see Vlad watching as his soldiers carefully load up his two trophies along with the rest of the supplies. He watches as the few Samurai weapons that could be recovered are placed with the other weapons he has taken. Vlad gulped down the rest of his red wine and got ready to move out. There were more warriors out there, he was sure of it. And he planned to kill every last one of them.

The End.

Maori vs. Gladiator

Disclaimer: I don't own Deadliest Warrior; but I wish I did.

Deadliest Warrior, Chapter 26: Maori vs. Gladiator

                Redemption Match!

Narrator:
Maori warrior; fierce, unforgiving, slayer of the south seas. The last time the Maori entered the arena, he was brutally assassinated by the Ninja.
(We see the Maori with the Ninja's Kusarigama buried in his neck).

Narrator:
Gladiator; Proud, thrilling killer of ancient Rome. But when the Gladiator tried to take on a Viking, he quickly found himself cut down to size.
(We see the Gladiator slump to the ground, his throat slit by the Viking's Long Sword).

                                                      WHO IS DEADLIEST?
To find out, our world class fighters are testing histories most lethal weapons. Using 21st century science, we'll see what happens when the two warriors go toe to toe. No rules. No safety. No mercy. It's a duel to the death, to decide who is....THE DEADLIEST WARRIOR!

Maori Warrior:
Height - 5' 9"
Weight - 180 LBS
Armor - None
Gear - 8 LBS
Lost: (1) Ninja

Gladiator:
Height - 5 ' 8"
Weight - 185 LBS
Armor - Bronze
Gear - 10 to 38 LBS
Lost: (1) Viking

Narrator:  Here in the Fight Club, we take four weapons used by the Haka chanting islander; the Maori:

Stingray Spear
Mere
Shark Tooth Club
Taiaha

Narrator: and pit them against the weapons of used by the master of arena combat; the Gladiator:

Cestus
Scissor
Trident & Net
Sica

Narrator:  Since both of these warriors have already entered our arena before, we can forgo the testing of said weapons, and skip right to judging. Any tests we need to do will be done at the team's discretion.

Narrator: For our first test, the two warriors will show off their close range weapons: the Maori Stingray Spear against the Gladiator's Cestus.

Geoff: Alright, today we don't need to do a lot of armor tests, because both of these warriors wear little to no armor.

Max: True, now if we compare the Spear to the Cestus, I think we should give the edge to the Spear for range.

Dr. Dorian: I disagree, I remember what happened to that side of beef after Chuck got through with it. I give the edge to the Cestus.

Geoff: I agree. Also, both of these warriors will probably try to fight through the pain, so which of these weapons will be able to cause consistent damage? Well, after one hit, the Stingray Spear breaks apart, but the Cestus can keep going. Edge to the Cestus.

Edge: Gladiator

Narrator: For our second test, the two teams will test out their other close range weapons: The Gladiator's Scissor and the Maori's Mere.

Dr. Dorian: I have never seen a weapon go through a side of beef like that Scissor did.

Geoff: Yeah, but do you remember the way that Mere club turned a bull's skull into powder?

Max: I remember that, that was awesome! Plus, with that kind of force behind it, it could probably smash the Gladiator's skull through his helmet. I vote for the Mere.

Edge: Maori

Narrator: Now things start to heat up, as our competitors unleash their some of their primary weapons: The Maori Shark Tooth Club against the Gladiator's Trident & Net combo.

Dr. Dorian: Why isn't the Taiaha going against the Trident & Net combo?

Geoff: We thought that the Maori's greatest weapon should go against the Sica.

Dr. Dorian: Why?

Max: No reason….. So anyway, my vote goes to the Trident & Net. The Shark Club may cause lasting damage, but that combo has better range and greater lethality.

Geoff: Agreed.

Dr. Dorian: I still don't know why you shuffled it, but find, edge to the Combo.

Edge: Gladiator

Narrator: For the final test, the two combatants will bring out their final weapons: The Gladiator's Sica faces off against the Maori's Taiaha.

Max: I think that the Taiaha should be given the edge. It has greater versatility then the Sica.

Dr. Dorian: But the Sica is a sword!

Geoff: True, but the Sica wasn't a very impressive weapon. While it will prove to advantageous against his unarmored opponent, their is only so much he can do with it. Max is right in commenting on the versatility of the Taiaha, so I second the motion for the edge.

Edge: Maori

Narrator: With all the testing complete, Max Geiger uploads the data gathered from the tests into the battle simulation, developed by Slitherine Studio, to simulate a battle to the death between these two warriors. To make sure that victory isn't snatched by a single lucky blow, the battle will be simulated 1000 times. Who will win in this battle of losers? The Maori, who loses in almost every simulation he's put in? Or the Gladiator, who only manages to do slightly better then his New Zealand counter-part?

Close Range Edge: Gladiator's Cestus

Mid Weapon Edge: Maori's Mere

Secondary Weapon Edge: Gladiator's Trident & Net

Primary Weapon Edge: Maori's Taiaha

It's time to find out which warrior is truly the deadliest. Max hits the button on the computer, and suddenly the screen goes "Matrix" on us.

This fight takes place in the middle of a Roman Colosseum. A Gladiator walks into the ring. He has been lucky so far. Ever since he was recaptured after the Viking bested him, rather then killing him outright, he'd been given more difficult opponents everyday.

On the opposite end of the arena, a Maori is thrown in, followed by his weapons. After the Maori was bested by the Ninja, he was captured by the Romans, who wanted him to compete in their games. Now, if he wanted to live, he would have to kill the Gladiator.

The two warriors stood eyeing one another, when the Maori began to do his Haka chant. The crowd went dead quite at the strange spectacle. When he was done, some laughed, some applauded, and others just stared. The Gladiator, thinking he was being mocked, picked up his shield and Scissor and charged the Maori. The Maori responded by picking up his Shark Club and Mere and running at the Gladiator.

The Gladiator slashed the Scissor at the islander's head, but the Maori ducked. He countered with a swing from his Shark Club, which the Gladiator blocked with his shield. Stepping back, he again swung his Scissor, but the Maori skillfully blocked with his Mere club. Stepping inside the Gladiator's guard, he swung his Shark Club at the Gladiator's exposed chest. The Gladiator jumped back, but still received a slight cut.

Lashing out with his shield, he caught the Maori with an uppercut, that knocked the Maori to his back. The Maori had to roll out of the way as the Gladiator tried to crush him with his shields boss. Before the Gladiator could right himself, the Maori struck him in the helmet with his Mere, sending a gonging sound through the arena. The Gladiator has forced to abandon his shield when he saw that the next hit would be from the Shark Club. Standing up, he swung his Scissor widely as he backup to where his other weapons lay.

Seeing his opponent retreat, the Maori decided to press his advantage, and charged his opponent. He saw the Gladiator throw his Scissor to the ground, and pick up the fearsome looking Trident. The Maori was forced to stop his charge and hastily side step the Gladiator's thrust, which still caught his side slightly.

Before the Maori could come any closer, the Gladiator whipped his net at him. It wrapped around one of the Maori's arms, ensnaring his Shark Club. The Maori tried to pull his weapon free, the teeth on the club bitting into the ropes that composed the net. Alas, it was not to be, and the Maori was forced to let go of the club in order to dodge a blow from the Trident that almost skewered him. Knowing he would need more then just his trusty Mere, the Maori turned and ran back to where the Romans had thrown his other weapons.

The Gladiator was right behind him though, and he wasn't planning to let the Maori arm himself. Taking aim, her hurled his net, which wrapped around the Maori's legs, causing him to crash to earth. The Maori had to roll quickly out of the way as the Gladiator threw his Trident like a spear, impaling the spot the Maori had been a moment before.

Somehow managing to untangle himself, the Maori grabbed the nearest weapon: his Stingray Spear. Not a moment later the Gladiator was upon him, having grabbed his Trident. Before the Gladiator could skewer him, however, the Maori reacted and stabbed at the Gladiator with his Spear. But the Gladiator was quicker and grabbed the Stingray Spear with his Cestus covered fist, before breaking it. But that moment of pause was enough for the Maori, who slammed the Gladiator in the side of the leg with the Mere, the jade club sending the man to his knees.

The Gladiator stabbed furiously with his Trident, but the Maori managed to get out of the way with only a slice across his side. The Gladiator lashed out with his fist, and caught the Maori across the face with his Cestus. The spikes leaving long scratches across the Maori's forehead. The Maori managed to hastily get to his feet, tightening the grip on his Mere. The islander raised his Mere to smash the Gladiator's head in, but finally the Gladiator managed to hit him. He struck the Maori's arm, piercing right through the forearm holding the Mere club. The Maori screamed in pain and dropped his club, clutching his bleeding arm. Now furious, he picked up his greatest weapon: his Taiaha. Twirling it with his good arm, he steadied himself as the Gladiator stood.

Deciding to try a different tactic, the Gladiator hurled his Trident like a spear, followed by charging right behind it, Sica drawn. The Maori easily sidestepped the poorly thrown Trident. He then used the bladed end of his Taiaha to deflect the Sica's swing, and the two settled into a vicious duel.

The two traded blows back and forth, before finally the Maori was forced to block an overhead swing from the Gladiator. The Sica struck the Taiaha right in the center. The blow caused the wood to crack badly, almost destroying the old staff. It was only a kick from the Maori to the Gladiator's stomach that keep the Gladiator from cutting all the way through it. Deciding to keep his enemy from going on the offensive, and began to stab at his opponent with the pointed end of his staff.

The Gladiator was forced to quickly step back, or else become a pin cushion. When the blade pieced his right shoulder, he knew he was going to have to finish the fight.

Timing his attack just right, the Gladiator watched as the Maori stabbed for his heart. Just before it reached him, he sidestepped the attack. He then lashed out with a brutal punch from his Cestus. The spiked fist struck the outstretched weapon, hitting right in the crack left by his Sica. The punch possessed so much force, that when it hit the already damaged weapon, the wood was forced to yield. The Taiaha broke under the might of the Cestus, leaving the Maori holding half a staff in his hands.

Before the Maori could drop the staff for the Mere attached to his belt, the Gladiator swung his Sica at his chest. The Maori leaned back, but still received a bloody gash across his chest.

Stepping foreword, the Gladiator punched the injured Maori in the stomach with his Cestus, the spikes cutting into flesh. As the Maori doubled over in pain, he clubbed him on the back of the head with the hilt of his sword. The Maori fell to the ground, barely clinging to consciousness. He felt a heaviness on his back, as the Gladiator placed his foot on him, pressing him into the ground.

The Gladiator looked up at his emperor, who in turn looked out at the crowds. They were all screaming at such a fantastic display. Finally, after a few moments, the emperor gave his decision: A thumbs down; death.

Nodding at his emperor, the Gladiator tightened the grip on his Sica. Rising the weapon high above his head, he then plunged the weapon downward. The Sica pierced the back to the Maori's skull, slicing through his brain and killing him instantly. The Maori had been good, the Gladiator thought ideally, but not good enough.

Stepping back from the corpse, the Gladiator raised his arms to bask in the glory of his victory. He had survived another day, and so far, the people loved him for it. He wondered how long that would last? He sighed as his captors lead him back to his holding cell. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw as another set of Romans collected the body of the Maori, which would most likely be fed to the lions.

Winner: Gladiator

Gladiator: 513

Trident & Net: 200

Sica: 150

Scissor: 83

Cestus: 80

Maori: 487

Taiaha: 195

Mere: 122

Shark Tooth Club: 120

Stingray Spear: 50

Narrator: In this dramatic beat-down between two of DW biggest losers, it was the Gladiator that finally came out on top. Scoring a decent 513 kills in the simulation, he can give most of his thanks to his Trident and Net combo, which scored almost half his total kills.

Max: Well it looks like even the Gladiator can be a winner, if he's fighting the Maori.

Geoff: True, and I think he won today, thanks to his superior killing arsenal. His weapons are just better at killing.

Dr. Dorian: And it's not hard to understand why. He has steel weapons, while the Maori is fighting with stones and wood. While I will admit that some warriors can pull that off, the Maori just doesn't seem able too.

Max: I wonder, will there ever be a warrior that the Maori can beat?

We see the Gladiator back in his holding cell. Outside, his weapons are being repaired and maintained, so that they will be ready for the next day in the arena. Amongst them, is the jade club of the Maori, who felt that it should go to the Gladiator by right of conquest. A trophy that proved the Gladiator's right to live, at least, just one more day.

The End.

Al Capone vs. The Taliban

Disclaimer: I don't own Deadliest Warrior; but I wish I did.

Deadliest Warrior, Chapter 25: Al Capone vs. Taliban

                Redemption Match!

Narrator:
Al Capones' Gang; the ruthless gangster whose criminal empire bloodied the streets of depression-era Chicago. Last time around,  Al Capone found out the consequences to his actions, when he was assassinated by the CIA
(We see Al Capone's face blown off by an Exploding Cigar).

Narrator:
Taliban; hard lying religious extremist, who back their beliefs with bullets. Last time, the Taliban tried to spread their influence to a war torn 1940s Germany, but were quickly routed by Hitler's elite shock troops; the Nazi SS.
(We see the Nazi SS commander set the Taliban commander on fire with his Flammenwerfer 41).

                                                 WHO IS DEADLIEST?
To find out, our world class fighters are testing histories most lethal weapons. Using 21st century science, we'll see what happens when the two warriors go toe to toe. No rules. No safety. No mercy. It's a duel to the death, to decide who is....THE DEADLIEST WARRIOR!

Al Capone Gang
Reign of Terror: 1922 - 1931
Members :10 - 20
Crimes: Bootlegging & Murder
Lost: (1) CIA

Taliban
Height - 5' 9"
Weight - 160 LBS
Armor - None
Gear - 20 LBS
Lost: (1) Nazi SS

Narrator:  Here in the Fight Club, we take four weapons to be used by the famous mobster Al Capone:

Brass Knuckles
Pineapple Grenade
Submachine Gun
Stiletto Knife

Narrator: and see how they fair against the weapons of the fanatical Taliban:

RPG-7
PMN Mine
AK-47
Bayonet

Narrator: Since both of these warriors have already entered our arena before, we can forgo the testing of said weapons, and skip right to judging. Any tests we need to do will be done at the team's discretion.

Narrator: To start off, our teams will be testing out these two warriors primary firearms: Al Capone's Submachine Gun against the Taliban's AK-47.

Max: This hardly seems fair.

Geoff: I know, the AK-47 is clearly the superior weapon. It's an assault rifle for God's sake.

Max: What? No, I meant pitting simple mobsters to terrorists.

Geoff: Nah, that's fine. Anyway, I think the AK gets the obvious edge.

Max: Well hold on, if we're going to do this, I think the maybe the edge should go to the machine gun for it's higher round capacity.

Dr. Dorian: Looking at the two weapons, I personally think that the differences are pretty arbitrary. But in the end, I will go with the AK, because I think it possess more stopping power then Sub.

Edge: Taliban

Narrator: For the second tests, the two will be testing out their respective explosive weapons: The Taliban PMN Mine against Capone's Pineapple Grenade.

Max: This one has to go to Capone. The PMN Mine is a stationary explosive, while the Pineapple Grenade is more mobile.

Dr. Dorian: But if I remember correctly, the grenade was capable of causing collateral damage. The mine is only going to kill whoever stands on it.

Geoff: Yeah, but I think Max is right, there is no guarantee that the mine will kill anyone, with the Grenade, the chance is much higher.

Edge: Al Capone

Narrator: For the third test, our we will be getting down and  dirty, as our two warriors get up close and personal with: Al Capone's Stiletto Knife against the Taliban's Bayonet.

Max: I never got the Bayonet. If you have a gun, just shoot it.

Geoff: True, but shouldn't the gun element make the Bayonet the deadlier weapon?

Dr. Dorian: Not exactly. If we are looking at the two weapons for what they are, two different knives, then we should compare them like they are two different knives. While the Stiletto Knife perhaps has a longer blade, the Bayonet is still a better Knife.

Geoff: If that's the case, I pick the Bayonet, because I think it's the more lethal weapon.

Max: And I pick the Stiletto because I think it works better for its intended purpose then the Bayonet.

Geoff: I'm not sure that makes since….

Dr. Dorian: Either way, it's still two to one, edge to the Bayonet

Edge: Taliban

Narrator: For our final test, we will compare the special weapons our the two teams: The Taliban's RPG-7 against Capone's Brass Knuckles…… oh God not this again.

Max: How does that keep happening?

Geoff: I don't know, but I think that next time we really need to get that fixed.

Dr. Dorian: True, but for now, we have to go with what we have, which is a very obvious choice. The special goes to the RPG-7.

Edge: Taliban

Narrator: With all the testing complete, Max Geiger uploads the data gathered from the tests into the battle simulation, developed by Slitherine Studio, to simulate a battle to the death between these two warriors. To make sure that victory isn't snatched by a single lucky blow, the battle will be simulated 1000 times. Who will win in this battle gun totting killers? Al Capone, the leader of one of history's most deadly gangs? Or the Taliban, who kills anyone who dares to question their authority or resist their power?

Close Range Edge: Taliban's Bayonet

Primary Firearm Edge: Taliban's AK-47

Explosive Weapon Edge: Capone's Pineapple Grenade

Special Weapon Edge: Taliban's RPG-7

It's time to find out which warrior is truly the deadliest. Max hits the button on the computer, and suddenly the screen goes "Matrix" on us.

This fight takes place in Afghanistan. In one of the nicer hotels of the country, Al Capone sits, tired after having fled the US after an attempt on his by the CIA. Capone still isn't sure how he got away. He plans to stay in this place for awhile, conducting his "business" until things have cooled off in the states.

Unfortunately for Capone, his presence is not exactly a welcomed one. His business, while successful, was gaining Al Capone all sorts of enemies. Enemies like the Taliban. After their failed attempt to take root in Germany, the Taliban was none to pleased to have some infidel upstart try to start up things on their own homeland.

And that is where this match begins, Al Capone with four of his most trusted men discussing "business" while outside five Taliban cell members gather to kill him.

On a rooftop across from the hotel, a Taliban creeps, trying to remain unseen. Looking through his binoculars, he finds Capone's room, and can see the man pacing back and forth, two others in the room with him. Putting down the binoculars, the man picks up his RPG-7 and aims at the room. When he steadies his missile launcher, he fires…..

Up in the room, Capone is not happy. Business is not going well at all. Those Taliban guys were nuts. Deciding he'd go take a walk, he put on his jacket and got ready to to leave. Just as he opened the door to his room, an explosion behind him knocked him to the ground. Turning around, he saw his room in flames, a hole where his window used to be.

All around him people were screaming about the attack, and evacuating the hotel. It seemed that the Taliban had decided to bring the fight to his doorstep. Gathering his remaining men (one had been blow to pieces by the blast), and got ready to take the back exit.

Al Capone: 4
Taliban: 5

Running down one of the side stairs, the mobsters hear gunfire and angry yelling. Waiting just out of sight, they saw two Taliban members, wielding AK-47s. Seeing them duck back up the stairs, the Taliban charge up the stairs. Thinking quickly, Capone's second takes a Pineapple Grenade from his coat pocket and tosses it around the corner.

The blast sends the two Taliban flying back down the stairs. One snaps his neck and dies, while the other crashes into a table, but manages to live. Seeing one of the infidels peak around the corner, the wounded man fires at him from the ground, surprising him, and managing to hit him in the forehead. Another mobster leaps out, firing his Tommy Gun widely, angry at the death of his comrade. Luckily for him, some of his random shots manage to hit the Taliban in the chest, putting him down for good.

After making sure that no other Taliban were going to jump out at them, the Capone gang make their way toward the exit.

Al Capone: 3
Taliban: 3

Finding the emergency exit, the mobster in the lead kicks the door down. The door opens up into a seemingly empty alleyway. After surveying the land, the mobster steps outside. Right on top of a PMN Mine. The man is blow to bits and two Taliban come running from opposite ends of the alley.

Al Capone: 2
Taliban: 3

Capone and his last follower duck back into the doorway, as the Taliban approach while firing their assault riffles. Using up all their ammo, the Taliban went to use their Bayonets. Capone's second was stabbed in the stomach, and his Tommy Gun knocked from his hand as he raised it. But he fought through the pain, and kicked the Taliban in the chest, then went at him with a pair of Brass Knuckles.

The other Taliban tries to stab Capone in the throat, but Capone leans back out of the way. Reaching into his pocket, he grabs his Stiletto Knife. Grabbing the AK, he pulls the Taliban toward him, and stabs him in the throat. The man gives a fearful gurgle, before he drops down dead.

Al Capone: 2
Taliban: 2

Turning, Capone sees his second in command getting stabbed in the face with the Taliban's bayonet. The Taliban looks at Capone, his face covered with bruises and sporting a broken nose. He tries to stand, but Capone reaches the fallen Tommy Gun and fires a few rounds into his enemies chest.

Al Capone: 1
Taliban: 1

Seeing that he was the only one left in his crew, Capone lowered his head in morning. The only good to come of this was that he had somehow managed to survive the attempt on his life made by these nut-jobs.

On a different rooftop near the alley the final Taliban looks through his scope at Capone. The man was deadlier then he had expected, but now he was alone. Taking careful aim, he couldn't suppress a grin as he prepared to fire. "Goodbye, infidel…."

Capone heard the noise of something flying toward him, but had no time to do anything as the RPG-7 missile came at him. The rocket struck the ground near Al Capone's feet, blasting him backwards into a concrete wall. With every bone in his body shattered beyond repair, Al Capone died.

Al Capone: 0
Taliban: 1

On the rooftop, the Taliban threw his head back and screamed in victory, praising his lord for delivering him victory.

Winner: Taliban

Taliban: 613

AK-47: 352

RPG-7: 170

PMN: 49

Bayonet: 42

Al Capone: 387

Submachine Gun: 246

Pineapple Grenade: 124

Brass Knuckles: 9

Stiletto Knife: 8

Narrator: In this climactic battle of criminal against terrorist, it was the fanatical Taliban that came out on top. With an impressive score of 613 kills, they decimated the crime gang thanks to their AK-47s.

Max: Well of course they won, they had way more impressive weapons!

Dr. Dorian: True. It seems the only weapon that really served a useful purpose to the Capone gang was the Tommy Gun, and even that wasn't nearly enough.

Geoff: While Capone may have been a ruthless and powerful man in his time, against an enemy like the Taliban, he just doesn't stand a chance. He was out done, out gunned, and just plain taken out.

We see the last Taliban, back at the hideout. He reports his success to his superiors, who are quite pleased. Afterwards, he leaves to celebrate with his comrades the death of Al Capone.

The End.